Urban Cynic

Trajectories

2012-02-12T11:50:00.001Z

I just read that Whitney Houston was found dead in a hotel bathtub yesterday aged 48. Obviously I didn't know her, but that doesn't stop me thinking how sad it is.

When I was in my early teens I used to go round to my friend Sylvia's house and watch MTV. I remember us watching her bounce around singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' and she was all bright eyes and bushy tailed. She was very young, clean and fresh - my friend and I thought she was absolutely beautiful.

I've never bought one of her records, nor have I particularly followed her career but it was clear to see that she turned into a very troubled woman, supposedly led astray by her husband. Her descent from bright young thing into deluded haggard mess did appear to correlate with her marriage but who knows.

The reason her death also resounds with me is that my step-cousin Sean was found last week frozen to death in a church doorway. I remember him from when we were little - his Dad married my aunt and he and his younger brother and sister came into our family. He was only 2 days older than me so we were in some of the same classes at school. He was very lively but we all used to pay together very happily.

Sean was always very troubled though looking back; all 3 of them were I guess. Their Mum was unfit and their Dad eventually became an alcoholic and my aunt divorced him. Sean was naughty at school and by the time I left my home town aged 23 I had no idea where he was. He had gotten into drugs (rife in our area) and once Sean became an adult, my aunt had to start thinking more about damage-limitation to her younger children.

To be honest, I rarely thought about him. We weren't close, he was a liability and he wouldn't accept any help or advice from his family. They loved him very much but over time he ostracised them all, burnt every bridge (or thought he had), and put his family through hell. I hadn't heard his name mentioned for many years until one of my cousins called my last Wednesday to say he was dead.

He'd moved to another city and had been working for the homeless charity Emmaus. He had a place to stay, a job with them, and had started to work as a counsellor for other homeless people. I hear he had been clean of drugs for a couple of years, but that he still drank. Apparently he has been described as an 'all round nice guy', which I remember was never really the problem.

There hasn't been an inquest yet, but I'm guessing he was drunkenly making his way home in the snow, sat for a while in the church doorway and hypothermia got the better of him. Not a bad way to go in terms of dying I guess, but not a good way to go in terms of living.

So sad and needless all round really. I'm not devastated by either of their deaths, I just feel that it's all a bit of a shame when you remember how they used to be all those years ago. I know we all have to go at some point, but there's no sense in playing on the motorway.

Clunk, Click - I've Got It!

2012-02-04T19:57:00.001Z

And suddenly one day later I'm driving at will! Tonight I had my first evening lesson and I just got in the car and drove it. I drove all the way around town, I negotiated traffic lights, pedestrians, junctions - and even the roundabout of doom at Seven Dials (an area of Brighton renowned for its scary roundabout)

Apologies for keeping on about this driving thing,and you know this won't be the last post - but I am so chuffed with myself I could explode. To get it right this evening I basically mentally pulled off and stopped a billion times, in my mind I used clutch control to 'creep and peep' until I felt that I understood what I was doing. And it clearly worked cos now I can suddenly confidently manoeuvre the car.

Woo hoo!

Driving is Emotionally Painful

2012-02-03T15:35:00.000Z

I'm finding this driving malarkey really effing hard. On one hand I am doing really well - hill starts, downhill starts, U-turns, emergency stops, changing gear, driving around, roundabouts - I'm certainly getting there. But it's much more difficult than I imagined. Much more.

To be frank it's the bloody clutch. I know that the clutch has its uses and I understand how it works. But I am not yet at the point where I press it in the direction it needs to go to have the effect I want. I know all this takes time, and I have only had 11 hours of driving, but I want to be able to do it now dammit!

One of the hardest things (apart from that damned clutch) has been to relinquish control and let someone teach me something. I talk over him, I second guess him, and I'm a bloody pain in the arse. I had a cry in the car earlier as I was so tense, frustrated, and wound up with myself. My job is to control people, ask questions, and to manage people, so to go against my nature is painful.

I am really enjoying the driving part of it though, and I know that in the next few days it should start to come together more and I will feel that I have control of the car. At the moment however, it feels like I'm trying to do aerobics with no sense of coordination whatsoever! I see complete numpties behind wheels and I think "If you can drive then so can I" but maybe because I want it so much, I'm finding it quite difficult to coordinate everything. I'm sure my instructor would say I'm doing marvellously, but I just focus on the bits I can't do very well.

It seems you have to look in every direction at once as well as over your shoulder, anticipate other drivers and the road ahead, steer the car, change gears up and down all the time, find the correct gear, use handbrake control on hills, drive the thing, as well as read and act on signs. I gather that this all comes naturally when you've been driving a while, but at the moment it feels near impossible. I'm desperately hoping that I'm not like Dillinger failing to work his catflap out. Although he did get there in the end I suppose.

Since I was young, I've heard people say "you're your own worse enemy" and at 40 years old, I'm dismayed that I have still not worked it out. I know I'm being overly critical of myself but I'm not used to coming across something that I can't do. That may sound big headed, but I like to think I'm quite bright and can work around a situation - well driving isn't like that. You have to do it right or the bloody car doesn't work!

I do appreciate that with time and practice I will get better until I can drive a car as easily as everyone else. But with such an important job resting on it, I want to be able to do that now and I can't and I'm frustrated. I didn't imagine that learning to drive would be so emotionally painful and that I would learn so much about myself and the way I do things in the process.

And I'm sure you're not surprised to hear that I don't like it one bit.

Home Decorating Ideas

2012-01-26T13:05:00.000Z

A few years ago I bought a picture of this woman. I can't remember where I found it but I remember that I thought she was beautiful and wondered who she was. I liked it so much that I framed it and had it for years in my bedroom.

My friend and I were just discussing 'women who deserved being called a c**t' (like you do - long story involving The Onion) so I Googled 'Evil Women throughout history' to see if I could come up with any more candidates after I got stuck getting past Myra Hindley and Margaret Thatcher.

And there at number 2 was Elizabeth Bathory - one of the most prolific female serial killers in history. Now I'm not sure if this image is definitely a painting of Elizabeth Bathory but it most certainly is the same picture that has been adorning my home all these years.

I'm not sure what that says about me?

I'm Driving!

2012-01-26T12:25:00.001Z

Well it finally happened. The DVLA worked out that I was a real person and gave me my provisional license. I had my first lesson yesterday and can report that I bloody love driving!

It's only been one lesson and I can't at all imagine that I will ever get the hang of the special moves (ie: changing gear and using the clutch whilst looking in every mirror as well as in front of me) but I'm really enjoying it so far.

At one point I hit 15mph and it felt like I was driving like the wind! I felt like I was speeding along and it was pretty scary. I'm not easily scared but you are moving around in a big metal box and that is quite daunting I guess.

I have another lesson tomorrow and you never know; I might even hit 20mph - pedestrians beware!

Fucking DVLA

2012-01-16T18:34:00.000Z

I'm so frustrated I could cry - in fact I just have.

To get my driving license I need a provisional license. I have a provisional license but my surname and address have changed so I need to send off for another one. Which could take up to 3 weeks to arrive. It's already been a week and still nothing.

However, my driving instructor can teach me as long as he has proof that I already have a clean provisional license. But because I can't remember where I was living 23 years ago, the DVLA won't help me. This means I have to wait another 2 weeks until my license changes into my new name (I changed my name by deed poll 10 years ago) I'm really pissed off.

I can appreciate that they need to know that I am who I say I am, but I'm so utterly frustrated and upset that I don't care at this moment. This client wants me to have my license as soon as I can, and he will not be impressed that he now has to wait even longer for this to happen.

I'm pretty sure that I lived with my parents when I was 17 and this would be the address on the license. However it is not. I have NO idea what address would be on there and I'm only allowed 3 guesses anyway. So I will have to call every single day to find out if they have changed my license over before I can even bloody start.

To be honest it's the final thing in an utterly shitty day. Today my heavy bike fell over and the chain fell off, the lock then failed to close and I had to abandon it at a friends. It's been nothing but hassle with that bike - it's too heavy, it was overly expensive, I've paid to have the tyres replaced and now the bloody chain is off. I'm selling it as soon as I get it back to the house.

Then a client said they no longer needed me and I already have hardly any work as it is. Then I found out that I have to wait up to another 2 weeks to even start driving lessons. It'll probably be weeks until I can even get a test date and if the client waits that long for me then it will be a miracle.

Feeling utterly depressed, despondent, and down. Why is it that everything is always such a fucking hassle for me? Throw me an effing bone for God's sake.

Artistic Perfection

2012-01-13T08:59:00.001Z

BBF and I went to see The Artist last night and it was effing brilliant! If you haven't heard of it then it's the new French-made black and white (almost) silent film that has just been released to much acclaim.

In all seriousness, you need to go and see it immediately. It was funny, charming, witty, beautiful to look at, well acted, and an absolute joy to watch.

The star of the show however was the lead actors little Jack Russell dog. What a talent he had; I am spending today working out how I can find said dog and smuggle him over to England and keep him forever without being found out. what a star.

I don't want to give much away but it was a laugh-out-loud film that we watched with a half-smile on our lips the whole way through.

It was brilliant and you must see it immediately. If you can't see it right this instant then you must watch the video link in the first paragraph. NOW!

Possibly Something Again

2012-01-11T09:05:00.002Z

Just as I had pretty much forgotten all about the mad potential job offer, on Monday I received an email explaining that he had been continuing with Christmas celebrations right up until 'Twelth Night' (alright for some) and had only just gotten around to replying to his emails. Then he said this:

"The whole driving thing is so important, that I would like you to get your license before we make a final decision. So, what I propose is that I pay for you to take a 1-week intensive course to obtain your drivers license. No obligation.

Let me know what you think"

Shiiiiiiit. Of course I said that this would be acceptable - who wouldn't want someone to pay nearly a grand for them to learn to drive? But I'm taking it with a pinch of salt this time to avoid any disappointment.

I've okayed it all with him and he has given me the go-ahead for me to pay for it with funds from the bank account I have access to. So now I have to send off for my provisional license again (I've changed surnames as well as losing the original 20 years ago!) and when that arrives I will be having 4 hours of driving lessons a day to get me ready for the test as soon as possible.

Although I want to get my license quickly, I don't want to rush it, scrape through my test and crash straight into the nearest school crossing! I imagine it will be hard but utter numpties have their license so I'll be damned if I can't get mine.

So I will keep you informed of my progress and let you know how I get on. Imagine if I did get the job though - I bet it would make for some interesting blog posts!

Marshmallow Lollies

2012-01-02T11:44:00.001Z

I'm not much of a cook as you know, I do however like baking or making things rammed with sugar. BBF's Mum hosts a big gathering between Christmas and New Year and BBF's cousins and extended family all come from all around the country to catch up and be fed.

This year I decided to bring something with me so I knocked together these bad boys. They are pink and white marshmallows on sticks, dipped in Green and Black's organic chocolate then rolled in coloured or chocolate hundreds and thousands.

They only took about 10 minutes to make although you have to order the sticks off Amazon in advance. A lot of them didn't make it over to her house of course, but those that did went down a storm.

You can wash the sticks so you can use them again, and the best way to get the chocolate to dry is to stand the lollies up in jam jars or mugs.

New Year = Changes?

2012-01-01T11:47:00.000Z

Isn't it strange how Christmas almost looks a bit grubby as soon as it's over? It's all sparkles and a warm glow in the run up and on the day itself, but as soon as we're done with it, it all seems a bit tired and old.

New Year elbows it aside and dreamy nostalgic Christmas has to move over for new shiny resolutions and sweeping plans for the coming year. New Year's Eve was brilliant for me - BBF went out with his mate to get drunk whilst I stayed in my new fantastic black spotted ladybird pajama bottoms on the sofa, watching crap TV, drinking snowballs and crocheting squares for a friends new baby blanket. Dull I know, but I was as happy as a sandboy.

The other 2 came rolling in about 1am and both promptly fell asleep. I however, stayed up doing a massive killer Sudoku until half 3. I sure know how to live it up! What a pair of lightweights though; they spent loads of money I'm sure and the night was not much different than any other Saturday.

Drinking doesn't suit either of them either. BBF's friend wants to give up drinking and smoking as much next year because he wants to progress and get on with things. This is a good step for him as he's almost defined by being a drinker, but bad for BBF who loves nothing more than drinking and talking nonsense all night! His poor mate doesn't have a chance with BBF as his friend...

I'm not a huge resolutions person but just before I went to bed I spontaneously wrote in my little "the best 3 things that happened today were:" book 6 things that I wanted to do next year:

To earn more than I have ever earned
For my new copywriting business to be successful and fun
To visit my friend down in Cornwall
To lose a stone or more
To not compromise or doubt myself when my thoughts and beliefs are questioned
To simplify work and have time for the other fun things I like to do

The last one is the key I think. I'm so busy with my business and setting up a new one, I wish I had a more simple line of work and could focus on one thing to bring in the money and have my spare time just for fun. Although a contradiction, I think I can still be successful and have more time for hobbies and things.

When I was at my last place of work, before I set up my business, I used to write in this blog a lot more; I had the time to sometimes help out with Galaxy Zoo, I had free time to crochet, and I could spend whole evenings just sorting out my photos if I wanted to. I recently turned down being in a book group because I knew I couldn't fit the reading in and I thought that was a shame.

With my freelance business, I'm constantly marketing, writing business blog posts, researching and reading up on new things, and networking as well as actually doing the work. I know I'll still have to do these things, but I'm hoping to simplify the whole thing. Whether that's just by managing my time better or by shifting my focus I don't know yet. I like doing all of those things but I need a better balance. Maybe copywriting for an agency down the line - I'm not sure.

So what did you guys do on New Years Eve and do you have any resolutions or new plans for next year?

Star Trek Girl Post - How Christmas Went Down

2011-12-27T11:17:00.000Z

Hi Star Trek Girl. I hope you had a brilliant Christmas over in Muscat. I'm sure I'll speak to you soon on Skype but here is a run down of how the weekend went for us. I know I've mentioned it before but I do so love Christmas. For me it's not about religion or presents but twinkly lights, candlelight, sentimental TV, and chocolate!

I think it should be what you make it and want it to be rather than what you think you should be doing or always do - which is over-eating (ahem!) over-buying, spending time with people you don't want to, eating turkey even if you hate it (I am officially the only person left that likes turkey) and stressing out about the whole thing.

Personally I had a brilliant time this year. I think BBF did too - well he seemed to even though he said "every time you tell me why you love Christmas, I'm going to tell you why I hate it". On Christmas Eve we drove up to Stevenage to see one of his cousins. We were warmly received and stayed for a lovely lunch, then chatted with their 3 year old daughter on her pretend mobile.

It turned out she had a direct line to Santa but ended up on hold anyway ("press 1 if you would like to talk to Santa, Press 2 if you would like the Elves workshop, press 3 if you think you have been placed on the naughty list in error...") we then left to drive to Nichola's in Milton Keynes where we would be spending Christmas day.

The day itself was really lovely, we opened presents, had a fantastic perfectly cooked dinner that could not have been any better, then we sat around and watched crap Christmas telly which was actually pretty poor this year although it was mostly aimed at children strangely enough.

Later her family left except for one of her sisters and we watched the worst Doctor Who episode in living memory. It felt like they'd cobbled it together at a lunchtime brainstorming session and had left out anything that resembled tension. It really was noticeably shonky.Then 2 hours of Downton Abbey which again seemed like it was made lazily with them relying on their reputation rather than clever writing. It was all very predictable and tidy but enjoyable anyway.

BBF obviously was not into this section of the evening as he hates that kind of thing but he had a couple of books and was able to busy himself that way. Next we watched the Kick Ass DVD I got from BBF and then the day was over.

On Boxing Day (which is the best day as the pressure is taken off, nobody has to cook, and you can laze around watching TV, eating Quality Street and reading new books) BBF and I drove over to my folks for a spot of lunch and to give them some presents. My bro gave me the most hideous picture frame/clock - I never actually knew that such a thing existed and suspect it was randomly bought last minute from a charity shop which is where it will be returning!

It was the only duff present I got which was good. Even though everyone says it's not about the presents, it kind of is. If you're going to get a present then it might as well be something useful or something you like. I wasn't expecting anything from him so I thought it was quite funny.

We found out Boxing day morning that one of BBF's friends had finally had their baby after 25 hours in labour. (crosses legs) He was born at 11.59pm on Christmas day - her waters had broken on Wednesday so they were literally trying to drag the kid out kicking and screaming so that everyone could go home and get one with their lives. A Christmas baby is a lovely thing even if you're not that keen on kids though I reckon.

After seeing my folks we drove across to Cambridge to see one of BBF's friends. His sister was also visiting and arrived seconds after we did. The friend has just qualified as a doctor and told us a story of a dying old couple in love that was so sad I actually sat and cried round the table. Somewhat embarrassing but it was one the saddest thing I've ever heard. I think you should face a steep fine for making someone cry at Christmas - it would help with the national deficit no end.

Then after that we drove home. I navigated for the whole trip so I was feeling very pleased with myself. I mentioned to my Dad that I was only a good map reader as he made me navigate when we went away when I was small. He then shattered my memories by informing me that he already knew the way. I had not thought of that. Can you imagine being 40 and not having considered that? I was gutted. I thought he had been relying on my skills the whole way. How gullible am I?

Dillinger was pleased to see us when we got back and I did miss him a bit - noisy little dimbo. He's obsessed with water and enjoys nothing more than sitting under a running tap. This morning I found cat paw marks all over the toilet seat and actually in the toilet basin as well. What a freak.

So that's Christmas done with and we only have the horror that is New Year's Eve to get through now. I hate New Year'S Eve like BBF despises Xmas. Lots of really drunk people desperate to have a good time - it's always a disappointment and everyone feels crap the next day. I think we're inviting people over but I'm not too sure yet. Christmas to me is lazy and New Year always feels a bit frantic somehow.

And that was it. Today is nice and quiet and I will be spending it watching Jane Austen programmes on catch-up, reading copywriting books, and catching up with craft blogs I imagine. I may even get dressed and leave the house at some point!

I hope you also had a good Christmas even though you're in a place hotter than the sun. Speak soon my friend!

Is The Wire a Wind up?

2011-12-23T12:39:00.000Z

I have something to admit. I may ostracise myself here but it simply has to be said... I've just finished watching the first series of The Wire and I thought it was mediocre.

I had heard really big things about this show - how it was better than The Sopranos and the best thing on TV. Well I actually thought it was quite disappointing. If it had been a regular weekly series without any hype I would not have watched past the third episode frankly.

Some of the scenes were poorly acted, the dialogue was ropey and by the time it had started to get vaguely interesting it was near the end of the series. I am baffled as to why it's so popular when I found it quite dull.

Everyone says the second series is much better, but how anyone managed to get beyond the first series and bothered to watch the second amazes me. I thought it was average at best. Certainly not on a par with The Sopranos anyway. I know people may disagree with me. But this is what I thought and I'm not apologising!

BBF's sister bought us the entire box set so we'll be watching the rest of them anyway, but last night I started to watch series 6 of Dexter and immediately wanted to watch the next episode. Ditto for Mad Men, The Sopranos, The Walking Dead, and Deadwood. But I had to force myself to keep going with The Wire because it was not as compelling - I didn't even care whether they got Avon Barksdale or not.

BBF generally disagrees; although I think he wants to like it because everyone said it was great rather than because he thinks it's the best thing he's ever seen. Maybe it does get better but at the moment in my opinion, it's a massive case of the Emperors New Clothes.

Nothing it Seems

2011-12-20T17:44:00.001Z

Just a quick update on the whole offered-a-dream-job thing. Last week I emailed the client a question about his BT bill (I hadn't heard back about the possible job and, as he didn't reply about the bill, I figured he was just busy) but last night he replied. But he only answered the question about the bill and didn't mention a single thing about the job.

I emailed straight back as he'd just sent the email, asking if he'd had time to give it any more thought - and he failed to reply.

Therefore I'm going to have to assuming that he's either just a rude mentalist or that he likes messing people around. What kind of person emails to ask those sorts of questions and then fails to follow it up? So as far as I'm concerned I'm not mentioning it again and from today I'm just getting on with my business as if he's never asked.

If he brings it up again in the future then I can address it, but today I feel like an utter prat and a bit down at the same time. This is crap cos the job would have been nice, but if he hasn't brought it up again even when pressed, I would say it's probably not happening.

What a load of balls.

Something or Nothing?

2011-12-16T11:05:00.000Z

As you know, my day job is being a freelance PA to various clients. One of them is an International businessman who travels constantly so I look after his UK interests - I receive all his post, I sign cheques and tenancy agreements, I liaise with management companies etc.

I once mentioned that if he ever had a full-time position available he should let me know. Then on Monday I received this:

You asked me once about a full time or more of a full-time position. You are obviously very competent, and the main problem would be that you do not drive. My assistant would need to travel extensively, including places such as California, where driving is absolutely essential.

So, I have some questions:

1) Are you interested in a permanent position?

2) Are you able to spend a large part of your time away from the UK?

3) Would you be willing to learn to drive?

Thanks!

Blimey! I replied that I needed a bit more elaboration on what the job would entail and what did 'a large part of your time away from the UK' translate as.

He replied:

The position would involve everthing from handling correspondence to chartering airplanes; from filling a car with petrol to planning parties; scheduling dentist appointments to buying houses in Costa Rica. Coordinator, secretary, chauffeur, gift buyer and wrapper, troubleshooter, courier. Helping to shoot a music video (we need more glitter for the backdrop!). Taking next flight to the Cayman Islands to get the title for the yacht certified by the Cayman Shipping Register (we need it in Fort Lauderdale tomorrow)

Since I last saw you, I think about 4 months ago, I have not been in one place for more than a week. Various Caribbean islands, Central America (ziplining in the rainforest is fun!), a dozen places all across the US, Canada, etc. This is typical! Before that, as you know, I was all over Europe for the summer.

As you can imagine I was very excited about this. BBF and I talked it over and decided it would not be something you could pass over. Even if I tried it and hated it, I would earn enough money to be ok while I got my business back on track.

The thing is, I have asked if we can have a chat on the phone and that was 2 days ago. Now he might just be very busy, he could be working on how I can get my license quickly, or he may have decided to leave it. But I just want to know!!!

I'm finding it very hard to concentrate as I don't know if I have the opportunity of the job of a lifetime, or if it was a glimpse of something amazing and now it's nothing. A girl from a small town in Bucks who didn't even go to university does not get these kind of opportunities very often.

I will of course keep you up to date with developments, but all I can say at this point is eeeeeeeeeek!!!!!

Another Cat-Related Post

2011-12-11T17:07:00.001Z

And it turns out that little Dillinger is not only the thickest kitty in the area, he's also the most expensive.

The poor little fella keeps getting bullied by a new cat in the area and it looks like he's coming off worse. He's had 2 abscesses in 6 weeks and the new one just cost us £200 at the vets getting it sorted. He's stuck inside until his check up on Tues and he's literally climbing the walls.

Lucky he doesn't realise how ridiculous he looks with half his face shaved. He's like a Picasso painting and laughing at him is taking the edge off his constant wailing and moaning... slightly.

He has insurance now but it's £200 too late. I think we should either rehome him or put him to work to contribute towards his upkeep. He doesn't lift a finger around the house and is often a hindrance more than a help when I'm changing the sheets. He's turning into a liability and he's not even grateful.

I'm swapping him for a puppy.

Kitty McThicky, The Stupidest Cat in Christendom

2011-12-05T23:38:00.000Z

It's official. We are in the possession of the stupidest cat in England, if not the entire World.

Three long weeks ago we bought Dillinger a catflap so he could come and go as he pleased and we wouldn't have to keep opening and closing windows for his demanding furry arse.

But no. Having tried everything we can think of, the dunce still hasn't sussed out what he's supposed to do. This is what comes of getting a kitten from Milton Keynes.

The problem seems to be that he'll get part of the way through and then when I slowly let the door go, he then back off instead of pushing against the door and coming through. He's not following through if you see what I mean?

We've tried one of us on either side shaking kitty biscuits like morons, pushing him through, using a chopstick, a feather and piece of string to attract him into hitting the door (and the penny dropping when he sees the bloody door open) and trying to entice him through with an expensive can of tuna. Nothing. Nothing has worked.

We're now reduced to propping the catflap open with a bit of cutlery in the hope that he'll suss it eventually. But having a focused blast of freezing winter air shoot into your home through a tiny door isn't ideal and we're not really sure what else to do! None of my previous cats took more than an afternoon to work it out so he really is setting the bar high.

Frankly, it's got to the point where I'm embarrassed for the both of us.

Christmas is Coming!

2011-11-27T18:35:00.000Z

I have to admit that I do quite like Christmas. I don't like it starting too early but, If it has all the right components, then it's brilliant. BBF however hates it...

Being an armchair Jew, he doesn't bother with Hanukkah and he poo-poohs Christmas as well. So instead of my life being culturally enriched, I have to try and justify why I want to celebrate Christmas. Which is hard to explain to someone who hasn't been bought up with it being part of the fabric of their childhood with layers of Christmases going towards the creation of a giant Mille Feuille of nostalgia.

I've also discovered it's hard to put why I love Christmas into words. It's so many things and it's more the sentiment rather than particular situations or things. When you have celebrated it with your family and friends, celebrated it on your own, not celebrated it at all, had great ones, crap ones, fun ones, sad ones, argumentative ones, and slow, lovely meandering ones - they all go together to make up a very personal experience of what Christmas means to you.

Last year was a mixed bag to be honest. I didn't bring it up at the time as I hadn't been with BBF for long, and wasn't sure how he'd take me writing on my blog how peeved I was at the whole thing. It was the only thing we argued about last year and it wasn't at all how I expected to spend my first Christmas with him.

BBF has an ex girlfriend who he gets on very well with but I haven't personally taken to her. She only talks directly to him when we're all together and tries to reminisce about times they spend together and people they knew. It's all rather subtle but both she and I know she's doing it. Anyway, she asked him if she and her boyfriend could spend Christmas Day with us as she wasn't sure she could handle her boyfriend's company for the whole day.

So she didn't want to spend Christmas with her boyfriend, she wanted to spend it with mine instead. BBF being so lovely and innocent said of course they could. He didn't understand the whole 'our first Christmas together' thing - but I know she did.

The day wasn't entirely dreadful but it wasn't really what I had in mind either. So this year, I've vetoed any idea of spending the day with them and we might be going up to spend Christmas Eve to Boxing Day at my best friends instead. I will also see my family but we'd be staying with her as my folks don't have a spare room. This would be lovely seeing as my Dad had his cancer scare earlier in the year - plus my best friend really does put on a luverly Christmas!

I'm really excited about helping her put on a great Christmas, but there's no way I can carry it here by myself with a Christmas-hater. BBF thinks it's a big commercial nightmare fraught with arguments and stress. Which of course it is... because people are involved! But it is what you make it and I can't ignore that it happens. I'm starting to get quite excited even though it's a month away as I know the time will go really quickly.

I've already created my Xmas Excel spreadsheet (I do love a good spreadsheet me) where I write down who I want to give presents to and what cards are going where. I'm going to be making vanilla heart-shaped biscuits, truffles, Florentines, lemon curd, honeycomb, peppermint creams, candles, and nice crochet things. All beautifully wrapped and presented of course. I can't afford much this year but I really do love giving people things I've made. It's so much better than buying any old thing just for the sake of it.

So basically, this year instead of trying to describe to BBF why I love Christmas, I'm going to try and show him instead. And at least if he goes all Grinchy on me, I'll still have Elf, my best friend, and a big tin of Quality Street to console me. And if he hates trying it my way then we're going have to have another rethink for next year!

Lost - One Work Ethic

2011-11-17T08:48:00.001Z

I really hate to moan about BBF and, to be fair, there isn't that much to complain about. Overall he's amazing - he's a brilliant cook, he's thoughtful, funny, interesting, clever... but he really is the laziest person I've ever met.

His lack of drive, motivation, and ambition really is something to behold. He got in after 3am last night as he went out to see some bands with his mate. This means he now won't be out of bed until around 11ish. Again.

This is not unusual behaviour you see. After a year of being together I'm coming to terms with his lack of work ethic but, in truth, I find it extremely unattractive and not particularly admirable. I don't know why I can't just let it go but I've found it quite hard to get my head around what a lazy arse he is. It's a quality of his that I really don't like.

Nearly every night he says he wants to go to bed early so he can get up early and get on with some work, but in reality, this has happened around twice since I moved in a year ago. He's eternally optimistic that this will happen but he's simply too lazy to make it so.

Once, I even thought there might have been a carbon monoxide leak - except for the fact that I was up and out of bed after 8 hours sleep! I just let him get on with it now. Nagging him is pointless but I've started to feel like my Mum saying at midday on a Saturday "get up, you're wasting the day". Maybe I should set the fire alarm off...?

Rome Was Amazing!

2011-11-13T12:19:00.001Z

I've been back from Rome since Tuesday and have been psyching myself up to write about it ever since. I took 300 photos (which I've whittled down to 140) and went everywhere I could except for the Vatican - which means there's a lot of stuff to write about!

We spent a brilliant 4 days pounding the streets taking in as much as we could. Rome is stuffed full of beautiful things and around every corner was something remarkable - 2000-year old ruins, beautiful architecture, towering statues, secret gardens, massive entrance doors, and huge plazas. Rome doesn't really do things on a small scale...

The architecture in Rome appeared quite consistent. The buildings were my idea of aesthetic heaven with square symmetry and straight lines. They all had shutters and massive doors with little ones secretly hidden inside. They were imposing and bold and I thought they were stunning. Even newer buildings had been designed to fit this ideal so there wasn't this awful mish-mash of elegant old buildings and nasty 60's carbuncles.

The food was simply outstanding. It was cheap (if you knew where to look) and we spent very long lunches at little trattorias drinking wine and eating pasta. The wine was 8-10 Euros for a litre and we had one for lunch and one at dinner most days! The coffee was just gorgeous and served exactly as it should be - which is to say not in buckets with a tonne of shit on it.

I love how the creator of Starbucks wanted to recreate Italian coffee for the masses but made such a hash of it they won't allow one single Starbucks to open in Italy. Italian coffee is smooth, dark, strong and hot. It cannot be beaten and shouldn't be fucked around with. I have very strong feelings about this as I've written before. It also costs about 90p a cup which is a gift from heaven if you ask me.

Another ritual we seemed to fall into most days was eating ice cream. There were so many places to find astonishing flavours that we just had to try as many as we could. I rediscovered chestnut ice cream which I first come across in Sorento and completely forgotten about. I introduced it to BBF and he was more than grateful.

Rome is quite hectic but not a patch on Naples. Lots of scooters zip around and, with cars coming at you every direction, you have to keep an eye out. What look like zebra crossings are in fact meaningless and even if the green man is lit up, you still don't have right of way. We discovered you just have to stride out and hope for the best! We only saw 2 brave cyclists the whole time.

One afternoon we met a Yorkshire couple outside the Colosseum looking for directions into the Palatino and Forum. These suckers had just paid 20 Euros to have their photo taken with a mock 'Gladiator' (read bloke in Reebok sandals and a skirt) and they couldn't wait to get home. Bizarrely this bloke was saying how Rome was really dirty and how he'd never knock the UK again. I'd swap Rome for Scarborough any day and I felt grateful we weren't those kind of travellers. Obviously you have to seek out the good places and avoid the touristy ones.

The only thing I'd change if I went again is to have 3 full days there instead of 4. Our feet were absolutely killing us by the second day even though we used the bus a lot. We got a Roma Pass for 25 Euros so could use the public transport for 3 days and get into 2 major attractions. This doesn't include the Vatican but the Colosseum, the Palatino and The Forum count as one and The Pantheon is free anyway as it's a church. You can also jump the queue with the pass.

One of the nicest moments was the first night we arrived. We dropped our bags at the hotel and took an amble into the centre. We found a little place and had wine and pizza outside while we circled places on the map we wanted to see during our stay. We then went for a wander, turned a corner and there stood the Colosseum. The place was deserted, all lit up and it looked stunning. We stood looking at this age-old monument in the warm night air and felt really lucky to be there. It was a great start to our holiday.

In fact, if you live in the UK it would be possible to go to Rome for a day. It was only £60 return each to fly to Fiumicino, 14 Euros for the train from the airport to the Termini station, and then the food and transport were really cheap. You could get there late morning, fly back in the evening and only spend around £150 You'd need a bit more for the sights but for a couple of hundred quid you'd have an amazing day in Rome.

So I would have to say that my birthday trip was a resounding success. We had a great time and BBF even bought some presents out for me including a card from Dillinger that he'd nibbled and scratched to authenticate. I've spend 3 birthdays in Italy now and may spend the next one in Muscat with Star Trek Girl. But for my 40th birthday, all roads led to Rome.

Off To Rome!

2011-11-03T08:26:00.000Z

In a few hours I leave for 5 days in Rome to celebrate my 40th birthday on Sunday. It's chucking it down here and it looks like it's going to be no better in Rome until the day after I come back! Always the way...

I haven't been on a plane since my birthday last year when I went to visit Star Trek Girl in Jordan. I changed in Rome but didn't see any of Rome itself. BBF went when he was around 14 but he doesn't remember much about it. I love flying - when we take off I just want to shout at everyone "oh my God we're flying like birds - wheeeee!!" The sun always shines up there at least.

We've printed off all the helpful stuff we could find and are armed with phrase books. My Italian is pathetic and BBF's in non-existent so hopefully they'll be pretty good at English! Dillinger woke me up early this morning and once my mind started to whirl, I couldn't get back to sleep so I thought I'd come here and say goodbye to you lot.

My mind was mostly debating what to wear - such a female cliché! It's going to be wet but quite mild so the big question is what coat to take. The one thing I don't have to consider is the lovely dress that my best friend bought for my birthday when she came down to visit last weekend. She made me open it early honest!

There's a story behind this dress. I went up to visit her a short while ago, tried on her dress and looked great in it. It's only from Asda so it's not expense, but it's perfect. It is black, the material is thick enough that it doesn't cling in all the wrong places, the waist is dropped, the neck is round, the sleeves are three-quarter, and the length is just above the knee. I never find dresses I like so I was pleased to discover she had only just bought it.

Off we traipsed to every Asda in the area but we could not find the dress anywhere - all sold out. It was also sold out on their website too. There was only one size 18 left in one of the stores. I then went to all the stores when I got back to Brighton but to no avail. I was really disappointed and kept thinking of what a shame it was that I couldn't find one. It would have been perfect to take to Rome.

Then when the little minx came down last week she made me open my present so she could see my face - of course it was the dress! Amazingly, she had gone back to check, and that size 18 was in fact not an 18 at all but was exactly the size I needed! What a star. I was really chuffed and (apart from my being a bit thick around the middle) it looks really good so will be taking a trip to Rome with me and I will wear it on my birthday in the rain.

I know I had a bit of a rant about being 40 but frankly, whaddaya gunna do? It's going to happen so I might as well just go with it. I'm one of those people that like to do something for their birthday though, and holidays are much better than one-day affairs. You get to drag your birthday out for days!

I will of course, write a full report of what Rome was like. I'm very much looking forward to people-watching, eating cake and drinking wine!

40 In A Week, 60 The Week After

2011-10-30T21:51:00.003Z

This post may seem like a whole load of nothing if you are over 40, but I am not (for exactly another week anyhow) and I'm feeling somewhat surprised and disgruntled about the situation I find myself in.

I know this sounds like a huge cliché, but I was just 14. I was just standing in the playground with my friends with back-combed hair in the shortest navy skirts we could get away with, discussing how old we would be in the year 2000 - and now the Millennium was 11 bloody years ago! How did that happen? It is unthinkable.

Then I was around 28, suddenly I was 35 and now I find myself on the brink of 40. I've mentioned before that I'm aiming to live until at least 85, so I'm nearly half way through! Half way to the end. What the fuckety fuck?! I daren't close my eyes tonight because I feel certain I'll wake up and be 47.

Of course we all get older but I am shocked at how quickly it seems to have happened. The view of my face in the mirror bears little resemblance to how I see myself. They're the same cheeks that my Mum wiped tears from when I was a baby, the same eyes I unwisely applied blue mascara to as a teenager, the same lips that have created thousands of screams, howls, laughs and kisses, the same face that I have cleansed, plucked, moisturised, inspected and peered at for 39 years. But I somehow can't seem to accurately visualise or project myself back to see myself as I was through those eyes. I can only see me as I am now.

A lot of people are completely comfortable with the idea of getting older, but I think they're either lying or they haven't thought it through properly. Who wants to get old and die? I don't mind getting older in theory, but I don't want to wrinkle up and drift south; I want to be young and sprightly Goddamn it! They say that youth is wasted on the young and they're right.

I suppose it comes down to the matter of control. I do not like that I will get older and older, until one day I will cease to be. I am extremely unhappy and put out that I have no say in the matter. I don't like being made to do anything and this is the ultimate in lack of control I guess.

I've been obsessed with dying and the reality of existence since I was very small; I've never gotten my head around the fact that one day everyone will no longer be here. I'm incredulous about this - how can this be? I can't imagine that it could be so. I know that 40 is not old, but It's certainly another milestone on my journey down the road.

My birthday is a time when I get very reflective. I have a little audit and check that I'm on the right track and where I want to be. I'm truly happy that I'm where I am, but as I get older I'm more keenly aware that I'm being shoved rudely along to an ending I'm not keen on. And I'm not happy about that at all.

My Friend's Mum Died

2011-10-27T09:12:00.000+01:00

I received a text from my friend's partner yesterday to say that her Mum had died that morning. I had taken my friend for tea and cake at a swanky seafront hotel last Thursday and she said the doctors thought her Mum had another couple of months - and yet less than a week later she is gone.

My friend is devastated as you can imagine. Well I don't know how she is as I haven't spoken to her and she hasn't replied to my text. I doubt she can think of anything at the moment. I've done the usual - told her how sorry I am and offered to look after her son or to help in any way I can. But there's little else a person can do in these situations it seems.

What has been shocking is the speed at which this happened. She was only diagnosed around 4 months ago and had been having regular cancer screening up until then. She wasn't even 70 I think and suddenly it's all over her. It's frightening to know that something can take hold of you and kill you that fast.

Last week my friend said she was lucky in some ways. Her Mum got to see her only son married this Summer without any illness hanging over her (she was fine then with no suggestion of illness) and she got to spend a few years with her only Grandchild. In the future I imagine my friend might be glad that her Mum didn't die at Christmas too. She might be grateful that there isn't a shadow hanging over it so she can celebrate the day with her family without feeling guilty.

The whole thing is just horrible. My friend was worried that her Mum would die on her own as she could only spend 4 days of the week up in London as her husband had to work. I don't know if that happened. She said her brother was also worried he wouldn't be there as he lives in Brussels - they had no timescale to work with you see. She told me her Mum looked at her last week and said "tell me I'm going to be ok". And she simply couldn't. What a thing to go through.

We Are Disgusting Hypocrites

2011-10-22T11:25:00.002+01:00

So obviously the big news over the last few days is that Colonel Gaddafi was killed. I don't have a problem per se that the man has gone, but I do have a massive problem with the way that we received the news.

I think it's only me though. I think I'm the only person who was shocked and appalled at turning on the TV and being confronted with a human being covered in blood, being kicked and dragged through the street, pleading for his life. I was sickened to my stomach.

From a young age, I've seen images of Gaddafi being welcomed with open arms by Prime Ministers and Presidents alike just like any other leader. The British government has approved £61.3 million pounds worth of arms exports to Libya since 2009 (and we weren't the only ones) and then condemned what he did with them. The UK Government are complete hypocrites.

Whatever he did, it's not humane to show graphic images of any man being treated like an animal on TV and on the front pages of newspapers where children can see them. I thought it was barbaric the way we gleefully watched the last few minutes of his life in gory technicolour detail. We didn't have to show those images, the press decided it was appropriate and I think it makes them as immoral as him.

Am I the only person who was disgusted and ashamed by what we saw?

The BBC Doesn't Give 1 Shit For The 99%

2011-10-17T20:19:00.000+01:00

On Saturday, 82 cities around the World were occupied by the 99% to protest about the 1% that own all the cash, the greed of bankers who wantonly gambled and lost with the public's money, and the inability of the politicians whose duty is to represent our interests, to run a piss up in a brewery.

There was even a protest in London. Yes, thousands of people showed up to register their discontent with the system and show solidarity in the face of greed and unfairness. Not that you'd know this however since the BBC gave it sod all airtime. They gave the 99% who pay their TV license in order for the BBC to exist next to nothing. Not even one full minute in fact. Today you wouldn't even know it had happened despite some of the protesters still being camped out there I believe.

A couple of months ago the police stood around and watched for a few days while a minority of the population went around trashing the place and stealing whatever they wanted. Not a placard in sight for those people; they weren't protesting about anything, they were just out to cause trouble. But when a peaceful protest takes place in the capital, they get kettled. Go figure.

I Love The Smell Of Brighton In The Morning

2011-10-15T11:54:00.000+01:00

When you live in Brighton, weeks can pass where you don't see the sea. This is usually down to being busy, being lazy, or being complacent. So for the past couple of weeks my friend and I have been going for morning walks down on the seafront.

It's supposed to be for exercise but instead of running *shudder* we just do a very fast walk to the Palace Pier and back which takes about an hour. Both being freelancers, we meet in the local park at half eight and set off; my clients hardly ever need me in that hour and frankly they can wait anyway. We don't manage it every day and I'll be honest that I am always the reason for this. Sometimes it's raining, I might want a lie-in, or (mostly) I just don't feel like it.

Lately though I've discovered that I much prefer taking the walk by myself. It's not that my friend isn't good company, but sometimes I don't feel like talking and I want to focus on taking in the morning and being inside my own head.

Yesterday was gorgeous. It was fresh enough to be a little bracing, but not cold enough that my ears rang. I get a great deal of sick satisfaction seeing all the cars and bikes speeding eastwards into town to work, whilst I'm part of the other gang who don't have to be anywhere in much of a hurry!

So I get to see all the people taking their dogs for a walk; dogs of all shapes and sizes proudly sporting their fashion accessories like little neckerchiefs and colourful harnesses. The joggers of all abilities - the Duracell runners that look like they could go on forever, and the short-jog-then-walk-then-jog people who's style I recognise.

The bit I really like though is seeing the seafront slowly start to come to life. The dreymen delivering barrels of beer to the clubs, cafe waiters starting to put the chairs and tables out, and the artists opening up their studios. I used to run cafe's and bars so I recognise the routine but am so very glad that it's not part of my life any more and that now I just get to watch without having to do all that work!

And of course the sea. Living by the sea you get a massive expanse of sky. A big open space filled with weather of all kinds. Every day (every minute) is different and I love the juxtaposition of the big sky, the long strip of water, then the wide strip of pebbles below. Because it's so open and exposed, you really get to feel part of it; and the changing colours of the sea and sky means the mood of the day is always different. Whether it's windy, overcast, sunny or hazy, it's always beautiful.

My Friend's Mum is Dying

2011-10-12T00:09:00.000+01:00

My friend's Mum is dying and I feel so sorry for her. It's all happened so quickly and my friend is completely distraught and whirling around in a nightmare which will only begin to dissipate with the death of her Mother - and then it will change into something else equally painful.

Cancer is literally devouring her, and from having nothing in her hip 3 weeks ago, she now can't even walk. It is in her head, her lungs, her hip and her ovaries. It has only just been discovered and it ravaging her at an alarming rate. My friend obviously is devastated and I desperately want to make her feel better but know it's impossible.

My friend knows that treatment will only give her Mum a bit more time, but her Mum seems to think she will be cured and it will all go away. She's not ready to die and hasn't fully grasped the situation - or if she has then she's not admitting it. Also they're not even sure if the treatment will be worth it as it may buy her time, but at what cost?

My friend lives in Brighton, her brother lives in Brussels and her Mum lives in London. She has a 3 year old son and, although her husband is the main breadwinner, she has had to freeze the business she's only just set up to spend all her free time up in London. I've offered to look after her son when I can and I'm treating her to an afternoon out for tea and cake, but I so wish I could do more for her.

When she first told me, she had this look in her eye when she was talking about treatment. Her words were saying there could be hope, but her eyes said otherwise. They were almost imploring and searching mine for an indication that I agreed, and my heart just broke for her. Sadly, I felt both that I understood her fear and that I was lucky not to be in her position as my Dad has just been diagnosed with skin cancer and I felt guilty that he was going to be ok and her Mum was not.

Well, it looks like my Dad is going to be ok. They removed a mole on his arm, discovered it was cancerous then he went back so they could take more away. This resulted in 14 stitches so it was quite an area. He had another one removed from his back and now they have to take more from the area on his arm again. This time he'll have to have skin grafts.

He's not too worried as it hasn't spread to his lymph nodes and the success rate is very high. But part of me wonders if this is it - is this how it starts? After all, we are all going to lose our parents if we haven't already, and then one day it will be our turn. Death moves ever closer and the best we can hope for is that our family (and ourselves) will one day be afforded a 'good' death. My apologies for the morbidity but such is the subject of the post and the reality of the situation.

So while I wait and see what will happen to my Dad, my friends Mum is rapidly and reluctantly dying. Her partner has lost both his parents already so she at least has someone to talk to that understands and can maybe help her come to terms with it, but this is the first of my friends that I've seen go through this and I wish I knew how to help her more. I know all I can do is be there for her but I really wish it was more.

Sick to Death Of Blogger

2011-10-08T16:30:00.000+01:00

Today I looked into moving all my blogs over to WordPress. I've been sick to death of Blogger for ages. They have some incredible features on their site but they have some major glitches that just ruin the whole experience for me.

I have been unable to comment on my own blog for a few days now. I can't comment on some others either as the box does not let me choose an identity and publish the comment. Useless.

The quick edit pencil has suddenly disappeared under my posts despite me being logged in and quick editing being enabled in the Design section.

When I write posts, Blogger inserts 2 line breaks after every paragraph and I have to manually go in and change the html code. This doesn't happen with all my blogs just some and is an utter pain in the arse. Blogger also inserts tonnes of repetitive useless code into the post as well.

So I just imported all 3 of my blogs into WordPress in the hope that they might have their act together. No, of course they don't; You actually have to pay $30 per year to be able to change the colour and size of your blog title. What a pile of dog shit.

So I just deleted all of those blogs I'd just imported in disgust and have returned here in disgust instead. I'm getting so tired of al the problems Blogger keep having. They have these lovely dynamic views and I can change the appearance at a moment's notice. God forbid that I might want to post a comment on my own blog though.

My Phobia is out of Control!

2011-10-03T19:42:00.000+01:00

Last night it was late and I was sitting on the sofa pootling around on my laptop when something caught my eye. To my horror I saw a huge black spider scuttling under the dining room table. It stopped when I turned the main light on and my horror turned to absolute fear as I approached said spider to ascertain the situation.

I am absolutely terrified of spiders. I'm not scared of anything else - heights pose no problems neither do bees, moths, enclosed spaces, speaking in public or even Daddy Long Legs (Crane Flies) It's just spiders. I can barely even say or write the word I'm so scared of them.

Now I know that this is an irrational fear and they won't hurt me and are 'probably more scared of me than I am of them' blah blah, but a phobia by definition is an irrational fear of something so it doesn't make any difference. I was literally shaking inside as I sat back down and tried to ignore it. There was no way I could have even gotten close enough to kill it and even the suggestion of trapping it under a glass filled me with fear. I simply cannot get close enough to do this and I can feel a rising terror inside me now just thinking about attempting it. As soon as it moved I would run off

I couldn't stop thinking about it and I know that at this very minute it could be under the table I'm sitting typing at. Again, I am filled with dread even contemplating this and cannot even get the full thought formed in my head before the fear makes me stop thinking about it. So I'm just going to type and not think about it.

I crept off to bed and simply couldn't stop thinking about what was lurking in the living room. In the night I actually threw my covers off and jumped out of bed thinking it was on me. This is not an unusual occurrence for me- I have done this many, many times over the years and it was some time before I realised I was seeing it in my head and that it wasn't really in the bed.

When I go around the flat cleaning I often find them. I usually suck them up the hoover but I believe they can climb out again. When I go into the en-suite I imagine a big one in the sink even though I've never seen one there. It's the sort of sink they like and I am confident that one day I will see a big menacing one there.

My first memory of them was sitting on the carpet as a very small child and seeing my Mum and Great Grandmother (my 2 main care-givers) scream then kill a huge spider that had just run past me. I wasn't scared but it's probably how it all started. My Mum is very scared of them as well and makes a loud scene when she sees one. But this is not the only run-in I've had:

I came home from school once (I was a teenager) and turned on the TV. What I thought was static running up my arm was in fact a huge house spider that then ran across my face into my hair.
When I woke up one morning (I was a about 9) I saw a big spider on the ceiling over my bed. As I stared in horror it fell on to me...
As a child I took a shortcut through a hole in a hedge, broke an egg sac in a web and hundreds of baby spiders emerged and ran all over my face.
A few weeks ago a huge one was on the dishes in the sink and ran at me when I unknowingly turned the tap on.

I can think of many more horror stories but I can't actually go on. I'm feeling very stressed now. I would really like to not be scared of them and even tried calling them 'Bernards' for a while in case I'd associated the word with terror. But to no avail. I don't even want to go on a therapy course because I know it would mean being near one.

You will notice there isn't a photo of a spider to accompany this post. This is because I'd never be able to look at my blog again!

Summer Pulls Its Finger Out

2011-10-01T18:17:00.000+01:00

We've been having some gorgeous weather here in Blighty over the last few days. It seems that Summer is trying to make amends (C- for effort this year) for what has been a pretty pathetic attempt.

Boinging squirrel

I've never been a fan of Spring or Summer personally. They're both very flaky seasons with big wide blurred edges - you never really know if they've made an appearance or if they're just flashing their knickers. All mouth and no trousers in my opinion. I like warm weather but not very hot weather as I just get a bit flushed and get banging headaches, which is why I love Autumn so much.

Autumn and Winter on the other hand take their roles seriously and always deliver. The leaves turn into the colour of flames, the coldness creeps in and we descend into a season that knows what it's supposed to do. No mistaking Autumn and Winter that's for sure - they're always on the ball.

So after the weather had started to turn and the nights started drawing in, it has been a big surprise to us all to suddenly be having a bit of a heatwave. Walking in flipflops over crispy golden leaves past Christmas posters is quite surreal! It's been 29 degrees here which is saying something for England and it's been the warmest September since 1895.

Because it's been so lovely, today BBF and I went to hang out in the local park. We lay on the grass reading and eating ice lollies whilst the parks' many grey squirrels (we don't have red ones any more as the American grey ones killed them all) darted and boinged around us. It was a really nice way to spend the afternoon.

Someone's dog on the right

According to the forecast it's going to be like this for another few days (which is a bitch as a freelancer as you don't want to do any work!) then another little heatwave near the end of the month and then snow in November. Hard to believe it's the first of October. Not that you care if you live in another country of course, but I just thought I'd try to reinforce the stereotype that the English are obsessed with the weather!

9 Brief Film Reviews

2011-09-26T19:29:00.001+01:00

I'm waaaay behind on my film reviews and I've been to see a few in the last month or so. So here's a brief potted review of the ones I've seen since the beginning of August.

Drive - saw this one yesterday and although, I quite liked it, BBF and another friend were disappointed and I can see their point.

Although it was shot nicely and the acting was good, it was a little slow and had an ending where you go 'why didn't he just do (insert alternative outcome) instead?'. The Times film review said it was a good homage to driving films but, unless you've seen those films, you don't see the references. Maybe wait until this one comes out on dvd.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy - although the acting was superb (just ignore Kathy Burke's accent!) and it was beautifully shot, the pace was very slow and I nearly fell asleep. My best friend actually walked out of it when she realised she was so bored she didn't care who the spy was!

Sometimes people say a film is too slow when I might think it's either well paced, increasing the suspension, or reflecting the environment (Fargo for instance) but this film was actually really, really slow without adding anything much. They could have easily cut 40 minutes and the film would not have suffered. An intellectual film with a great cast but very slow.

Kill List - I saw this at a local arthouse cinema so it's not a mainstream film. It was very violent which I endured right up until near the end, when suddenly it went all Wicker Man. There was a point where I wasn't sure what was going on and considered that it might

The acting was superb but it was very graphic and didn't give me a satisfactory answer. Violence is fine for me if it enhances the point, but I was outraged at the end when I felt I had just been tricked into watching a whole load of nastiness without a meaningful outcome.

Jane Eyre - more a film for the ladies this one which was well acted and beautifully shot. It was more of a gothic take on the classic Charlotte Bronte novel than other adaptations I've seen and was very watchable. Mr Rochester was suitably belligerent and Jane was appropriately chased.

I went with my best friend when I was visiting my parents, and she seemed to enjoy it even though she didn't know the story at all - although somehow she did know there was a Mr Rochester in it! It was a nice film to see with your girlfriends but I don't think the menfolk would be into it.

Conan The Barbarian - A whole silly load of nonsense that didn't profess to be otherwise. There was some good barechested action with men roaring to the skies whilst holding aloft their mighty swords (not a euphemism) which was quite fun. But BBF and I spent most of it sniggering loudly in our seats. We have Unlimited cinema passes so we can afford to see such silliness, but you might want to give it a miss!

Rise of The Planet of The Apes - A really enjoyable family affair which was well filmed, engaging, thoughtful and very watchable. When I say thoughtful, I don't mean it's an intellectual film but if you're going with your 12A kids they would probably like it.

It was great fun and the CGI was really good as well. There were some exciting action sequences and you were rooting for the apes every step of the way.

One Day - another chick flick. I hadn't read the book (which recently a friend said she'd hated) so I didn't know the storyline before I went. It was okay I suppose but a film you just watched and then went 'oh', got up, left the cinema and went off to do something else. No lingering thoughts after this film people.

I should mention that Anne Hathaway's 'northern' accent was simply appalling; it was really, really bad no doubt about it. Otherwise it was a mediocre chick flick that you'd probably watch on Film 4 one night when there was nothing else on.

Cowboys & Aliens - brilliant fun which I'm sure most people would like. Even though they mixed aliens and cowboys (the clue is in the title here) there wasn't anything particularly original about the plot, characters or cinematography though.

With Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig as the 2 male leads you know the acting was going to be adequate, but I think Sam Rockwell wasted his character - which was a shame as I really like him as an actor. Great fun, entertaining, frivolous and a good way to spend 2 hours.

Super 8 - for me this was the best of the bunch. I had high hopes anyway as a combination of Star Trek's JJ Abrams and Steven Spielberg would surely yield good things. The film was beautifully shot, really well acted and a great story. It had leaned into schmaltz by the end but you didn't want to throw up which was the main thing.

This was an out-and-out family film which I thought was a kind of cross between Stand by Me, ET and Predator. It was a bit jumpy, you were engaged, you cared what happened and it was a nice story well told. See it if you can.

Sorry about the briefness of the reviews. Some of the films were hard to remember a month after watching them so I should have written them up straight away. Have you seen any of the films I've reviewed and what did you think of them?

Handy Bikes and Beverages Tips

2011-09-24T17:57:00.000+01:00

I think this is only the second time I've come across something so exciting that I've written about it. The first was that biting the ends off a chocolate finger and using it as a straw to drink your beverage resulted in a rush of gooey chocolatey loveliness that mere words can't properly describe.

The second one is that today I discovered you can use a piece of wet kitchen foil to remove rust from your bike - or any other rusty thing for that matter... who'd have known?

I got a new bike today you see. All 3 of my other bikes had been stolen by some arseholes and I wanted a new one. I found this vintage ladies Raleigh on Gumtree and today I bought it. To be honest it wasn't worth what I paid for it and its very heavy, but its done now and I really like it. It had a bit of surface rust on the bell and handlebars and I wasn't too sure how best to get this off without spending lots of money or scratching the bike

So I Googled the problem and, after some rubbish about using lemon juice or half a potato (which I did actually try), I read that you can just wet bits of aluminium kitchen foil, rub it on the rust and it comes off a treat. And it did! It didn't require hardly any elbow grease and didn't use up much of the roll either. My bike looks great and I'm feeling very pleased with my efforts.

You can see Dillinger drawing attention to the pre-kitchen foil makeover rusting on the handlebars in the above picture and the shiny, finished product is the photo at the top.

So there you go. Now you know how to derust your bike and turn a hot beverage of your choice into a mini miracle!

Girl Crush - Joanne Lumley

2011-09-21T18:28:00.001+01:00

In stark contrast to the last post and to show that I hold some women in very high regard, I'm going to do a short series of girl-crush posts.

Not that I actually fancy these women you understand, I just think they're brilliant for one reason or another. The series will be quite short as there's not that many women I have girl crushes on!

Girl Crush No 1 is Joanna Lumley. My heroic worship of Joanna is based solely on her ability to remain unflustered and poised in the face of adversity. She has been campaigning hard for the rights of Gurkhas who, having fought hard for our country in various wars, have been denied the right to actually live here.

Watch the video and learn ladies. This is how you get your own way.

Why Are Women so Hard on Each Other?

2011-09-18T16:59:00.000+01:00

I've always wondered why it is that women were so hard on other women. I used to think that it was men that criticised and attacked us but I've come to realise that it's mainly us; we do it to each other.

Maybe it's hard-wired into us because even I do it. I watch the news and immediately assess the female newsreader's appearance and demeanour. "blimey, how much lipstick is she wearing?","what a stupid thing she just said, look at her giggling like an idiot". Why do I do that?

A lot of discussion about women's decisions has come to the forefront lately with the cinema release of 'I Don't Know How She Does it'. It seems the premise of the film is appearances - what will (other mums) people say if I'm too busy to bake mince pies for my kids school? Who gives a shit? ...well other mums apparently that's who.

Working mums seem to be critical of stay-at-home mums, they in turn seems to think working mums are bad parents who aren't fit to call themselves mothers. Nobody appears to have any opinion of working dads and they aren't criticised for 'trying to have it all'. Personally I don't think working mums are trying to have it all, I think they just either need to go to work because their family needs the money, or they like working and want something else to do.

And who could blame them? I'm sure being a stay at home mum is still hard work but frankly spending all day wiping kids snotty noses, singing nursery rhymes, baking cakes and arranging flowers is my idea of a frontal lobotomy. I'm not criticising women who get fulfilment doing that but it's not for me. Well parenthood in general isn't for me as we all know - it looks horrible.

I seriously doubt that any woman would make decisions she thought were detrimental to her family. Mums only want what's best for their children, but decisions are based on each persons personal situation and no size fits all. So why are women's choices hotly debated and judged by other women? I even get flack for not having any children; I'm selfish apparently because what sort of woman doesn't want to have kids? This kind is what and I'm not justifying myself to anyone.

Why is it that men's roles as parents aren't up for debate? Why is it that women get flack for working (or not) and having kids as well? Men have been working and having families for years without any kind of judgement. So are women supposed to be the more hands-on parents because of their sex? Are they supposed to do the lions share of the family work so fitting in paid work is frowned upon? Why is having or not having kids and working or not working an issue with women and not with men?

I asked my best friend what she thought and she offered a few suggestions. One was that perhaps men were also critical of other men but just didn't vocalise it, make films about it or write newspaper articles about it. Another (quite plausible) theory was that perhaps women were just bitches, and the one we both thought was most plausible was that women were trying to justify their place in society and the choices they've made by comparing themselves to other women.

But do we know we're doing it? Women were (and still are in many places) second-class citizens so the last thing we need is to turn on each other. Maybe we have higher standards for our sex because of our history? Perhaps we expect more of each other? Or maybe it's that we're just bitches?

What dya reckon?

Lean, Mean Killing Machine

2011-09-04T21:56:00.000+01:00

I mentioned that a couple of days ago I woke up to find a small dead bird in the hallway. Well yesterday I woke up, opened the door to the back bedroom and a big pigeon flew into my face.

I envision the scenario that resulted in a Brighton pigeon being in the window-less back room as thus:

He either gets lucky or a long stalk results in him getting hold of said pigeon
He manoeuvres the pigeon through the 6 inch gap in the open bedroom window
He manages to get himself and the pigeon through the room without waking me up
He retreats into the killing room to either play then finish off his victim, or to eat it
He discovers that the victim isn't dead, it manages to foil his attempts at pursuit and he gives up and wanders off

Clearly little 6 month old Dillinger is living up to his name as a ruthless cold-hearted mercenary and is using the back bedroom as his killing room. But what to do about it? None of my other cats bought in anything as Fraidy would lose face and Dexter was too busy making friends with them.

Cats are wild things and killing birds and mice is what they live for. They'll even take a moth if nothing else is on offer. But this is the third bird he's bought into the house within a month and I'm not keen to spend the rest of his life dreading what I might step in when I get up.

Last night I decided to lock him in but he could bring in a little 'present' at any time. I've always hated the idea of bells on cats but I don't want him cutting a swathe through the local bird population either. Given the choice though, I can't see any other option can you?

Taking it Easy

2011-09-02T07:44:00.000+01:00

I have to admit that I have done sod all work since I got back from the festival last Wed and it has been great! This is due to the fact that I actually don't have much paid work to do and I've also come back with loads of cash so I don't care too much. I've been working on some promotional postcards to generate new business and I have a craft faire to attend on Saturday.

This is my first faire (fair with an e makes it more folksy dontcha know) and I'm going to be teaching people how to crochet. I'm not too sure what I'm doing to be honest but I'm going to wing it as much as I can. I've had my first go at making a crochet video tutorial on Windows Movie Maker and am now certain that I hate both my voice and my hands!

I think I'm just going to bring along things I've made so people can see what kinds of things they can create, print off some how-to guides that I've made and make sure there's some video tutorials on my craft blog so they have something useful when they visit my site. I've already had a request for me to make a shawl, but I think I'll focus more on offering lessons so that I have a life and don't have to charge £150 for a weeks work! I'm pretty nervous about the faire but excited too.

BBF has just left to visit his friend in Sweden for the weekend so I have the entire flat and Dillinger all to myself. Although this sounds nice, Dillinger bought in a little dead bird this morning and left it in the hall for our bare feet to find. The spare room was clearly the place of destruction as the poor little things feathers were everywhere. I dealt with the situation but it wasn't a particularly nice experience.

Yesterday I booked our flights to Rome for my birthday in November. I've never been to Rome but when I've asked foreign waiters I've worked with over the years, what their favourite places have been, Rome always came in the top 3. The Pantheon looks amazing and I want to see the Colosseum too. Mostly though I want to wander around looking at old buildings, drink a fair amount of Italian wine and eat a lot of cake... I'm certain this can be accommodated.

Does anyone know by the way, how come it's suddenly September?

See You Next Year Green Man!

2011-08-26T22:17:00.003+01:00

Well another successful festival later and I am now back at home using my own toilet. The portaloos were cleaned daily and we used the bar allocated ones, but I should admit that a small part of my soul died every time I used them. You may recall that last year the weather was not particularly kind to us and the entire weekend was a bit of a mudfest. Well this year the rain held out and a great time was had by all - even me.

This year we had 2 interns helping us so the workload was so much easier. The day without my intern it took me just over 10 hours to enter all the info from the tills and bar stock, but the day I had her helping me I got that down to six and a half. Not bad. That meant that I not only had more time to focus on my job role I also came back able to speak! Last year my brain was so fried that it took me 3 days to recover and this year I came back as a regular person.

The Festival is held each year in Glanusk Park in the shadow of the Sugarloaf Mountain and the park is very beautiful. The trees there are really old and people live on the land we use. I think they generally either just board up their houses and go on holiday until it's over, or they settle in to enjoy the festival. The mornings were stunning with the clouds often pouring over the mountain but it was so hard to capture it on camera and none of my photos really do it justice.

Although I don't usually get to see much of the festival as I'm working in a cold stone room, on BBF's recommendation I did manage to see the Sunday night headliners Iron and Wine who were brilliant (I'd never heard of them but I'm not that into music preferring film instead so that wasn't surprising)

Their set was so good that the entire arena just sat there mesmerised. I looked round at one point to see our entire team had all turned up and we all sat there together having a smoke and a drink and listened to the set together. This has never happened before as we're usually all off doing different things so it was a lovely way to end the festival.

I had my BunKabin as per last year so I didn't mention that I had a radiator when they all complained of suffering a freezing night. It just wouldn't have been sporting of me. I'm now back, have anti-bacterialised my laptop, had a haircut (booked it in before I went dontcha know), been to see a film (Cowboys & Aliens), have accessed and taken full advantage of my hair and beauty products, caught up with some friends, had a decent cup of coffee, been out to dinner and slept soundly in my own bed.

It was my most enjoyable festival so far but damn, it's good to be back.

Hey Ho Hey Ho - Off To Green Man I Go

2011-08-13T10:30:00.001+01:00

In about half an hour I set off for the Green Man Festival for the third year running. 11 days spent (probably) in the mud with the horror of toilets that are familiar with the backsides of hundreds of people.

I'll try to write when I'm away and post photos where I can but otherwise I'm off the radar again until after the 24th August. I'm pretty sure I have everything - last year I took about 4 pairs of socks for 11 days for some reason but I'm fully socked up this year (sorry)

So think of me fair readers; spare a thought for a lone figure in a rainy field in Wales getting her wellies dirty and breaking the World record holding her breath in a portaloo. I shall report back anon.

Suffering Little Children

2011-08-07T12:32:00.004+01:00

As mentioned, the only thing that marred our holiday in France was the behaviour of a couple of the kids. There were 4 children altogether - lets call them Dylan, Rosa, Jago and Amelie for 'twas their names.

Dylan and Jago weren't too bad to be fair; they were noisy as all kids are, but they behaved themselves most of the time. The 2 girls however were a bloody nightmare. I am not exaggerating when I say that not 15 minutes passed without some crying, whinging or whining, and I could even hear them over my headphones.

Rosa is 6 and seemed to be fretful about everything; nothing could make her happy and everything she said was in the highest whiniest voice she could muster. At no point did either of her parents say "just stop it. enough already", they just pandered to her and let her continue to irritate the hell out of everyone. Well I say everyone; it seems that if you have kids you somehow become immune to the sound of brat.

They thundered along the corridor outside our room early every morning, and after we were kept awake by them shrieking around in the open plan kitchen, BBF went downstairs to say something and only then did their Mums take them into the designated fully-stocked play room complete with dvd player and everything else a child might need to occupy itself in order to result in a bit of shut the fuck up.

Amelie was the worst; from the first morning the word "Mummmeeee" was repeated endlessly. The reason she constantly repeated every sentence over and over and over and over again was because both of her parents ignored her. She never stopped and her whiny voice was the soundtrack to the holiday really. We wanted to shout "for the love of God just bloody answer her!"

All of the kids except Jago were sick while we were there. Dylan started it all off by projectile vomiting all over the floor, his Mum and himself whilst we were eating dinner. By the time he had finished throwing up half the swimming pool he was ankle deep in it. He then kept going all night and, not wanting to be left out, all the other children followed suit over the next few nights. I know it wasn't their fault but let's just say they were not discreet children.

Never have I been so glad not to have any kids. You all know I'm not keep on them, but I was constantly congratulating myself for my child-free status. I was so pleased it was not me cleaning up that massive puddle of sick, and the relief I felt when Amelie shat her pants one morning was palpable. Between them they were either being ignored or life revolved around them. At the beginning of the holiday we could have stayed there forever, but by the last day we couldn't wait to leave.

Vive La France

2011-08-06T17:21:00.003+01:00

As you know I just got back from 5 days in France. One of BBF's friends was turning 40 and had paid to hire a big barn conversion for all of us to stay in; the property was in Lignerolles right in the middle of the country and slap bang in the middle of nowhere.

There were 14 of us altogether; Nick and Emma (it was his birthday) and their 2 kids, Emma's Sister and her husband and their 2 kids, and Emma's friend Charlotte and her husband and their 2 teenage boys. The teenagers were lovely; really polite and helpful and a delight to be around but the other kids were a nightmare. I'll leave them for another blog post as I have quite a bit to say about them and it would be nice to focus on the more positive aspects of the holiday today!

BBF borrowed his Mum's convertible and we took the ferry over to Calais early last Saturday; we spent the crossing going over the route (I was navigating) as we had a 7 hour drive ahead of us. It turns out that French roads have 2 names and their road signs bear no relation to the map; but after a couple of wrong turns, getting lost in Rouen, paying 13 Euros for a burger and a routine police breathalyser check at a toll where we discovered BBF's Mum keeps her insurance docs in the house rather than the car, we arrived after nightfall at the house.

Upon arrival we found a mental Grendel-type neighbour who had moved from Paris to get some peace and quiet only to discover next door was now a holiday home! All we did was get out of the car and walk into the house but he started shouting and screaming and then threw stones at us! aaahhh, the French... He was known to the owners and we'd been left with strict instructions to call the police if he kicked off but he didn't hassle us again after that thankfully.

The house was gorgeous; it had tiled floors, wooden beams, 4 bathrooms, a huge kitchen-diner, a massive living room with a gigantic TV, a pool, lots of sun loungers, an ivy-covered seating area and a barbecue. We had fresh baguettes and croissants every morning, lots of lovely wine, hams and cheese and we sat down for a big meal together each evening.

Most of the holiday was spent happily lolling around the garden drinking wine, sunbathing and reading. It was very hot so I impulsively decided to turn my only pair of jeans into shorts (it's hard to sunbathe and keep your modesty in a skirt) but I still managed to get some wear out of my new ooo-la-la French Breton top which I was pleased about. We were lucky with the weather although I was slightly disappointed to hear it had been nice in Brighton as well!

For some reason there were tonnes of really aggressive wasps knocking about and I got stung on my finger and on the back of my knee. I'm not fussed about wasps but hadn't been stung since I was a teenager so was shocked to find out that it hurts like fuck! I couldn't bend my leg until the next day but after making a shandy beer trap I think I killed the bastard along with two dozen others. They got BBF as well, and Nick got stung for the first time in his life on his birthday which resulted in his hand blowing up like a balloon. He was pretty stoical about it unlike myself.

One afternoon I wandered along the lane into the fields to escape the noise that 13 other people make and spent a while quietly sitting against a hay bale listening to the cicadas and watching the crickets jump out of the crispy stubble of the hay field. I don't think you really get to have a 'personal relationship' with a place until you spend some time with it on your own and it was really peaceful there.

On Nick's birthday he was sent off to get baguettes first thing so we could decorate the garden with balloons and bunting we'd made from red and yellow paper serviettes. Later we went to a Go-Ape type of place then that evening a huge thunderstorm broke and it tipped it down. I love thunderstorms and see one every time I go abroad. Due to the heat, they're usually so much more impressive than here, and we could hear it rumbling around the house as we ate dinner He then opened his presents and we all had cake - he said it was a perfect birthday.

The Go-Ape place was pretty cool; the menfolk flew manly down zip wires in nappy-style harnesses and the womenfolk watched the kids playing on the adventure playground praising them for their ability to stay on a rope bridge without falling into a safety net one foot below. I spent most of the afternoon outside the cafe with my book and a glass of red wine which suited me perfectly. I did get some good photos of BBF grimacing in apprehension as he teetered precariously in the tree-tops though.

Overall the holiday was lovely; I got a bit of a tan and a great time was had by all. The kids put a bit of a dampener on it a bit especially as we neared our last day, but we consoled ourselves with the fact that we could go home and their parents were stuck with them for life. I wondered why we don't do more holiday'y things especially as we live in a holiday town, but I guess you get so wrapped up in your routine that you don't get to properly relax until you go away.

I had those usual idealistic thoughts of trying to incorporate parts of the holiday into my life and so far I'm not doing too badly. I've made more of an effort to get on with work instead of faffing around so I can have a proper lunch outside on the step with a book, and I'm currently drinking a glass of red wine as I type. I think I'll definitely be able to keep that one up if nothing else!

I Can't Wait to See This Film!

2011-08-06T14:01:00.000+01:00

En Vacances

2011-08-02T18:46:00.002+01:00

Please note that normal bogging will resume when I am back from France and can post photos.

I can tell you that it's hot but it will be a hotter day in hell when this broad gets her broad arse in a cossie and gets in the pool, and that the 4 children on holiday with us (other 10 adults) have never left more than 15 waking minutes without whining or crying. In fact I can hear one screaming now.

Blog ya very soon peeps!

Publish And Be Damned

2011-07-27T21:38:00.002+01:00

I think I've just decided to suck it up and stick with this blog. I can't be arsed to sort out another one and that could get compromised along the road anyhoo. (I love the word compromised, it reminds be of Action films and Star Trek) I'm just going to remain true to form and say what the hell I like.

So if you know me and I'm having one of those moments that sounds like I want to throw myself from a car park roof, don't reach for the phone because I'm just letting off steam - If I've got a problem then I'll call you so don't worry yourself.

If I know you through freelancing and it sounds like I'm in despair because my business isn't doing very well, then take comfort in the fact that my business is actually doing ok; I'm very busy - I'm just incredibly shit with money.

And if I meet any of you for coffee then, unless I bring it up, don't mention anything you've read on my blog cos they're just moments in time and everything's cool and the gang. I just like to moan a lot.

What To Do?

2011-07-25T10:15:00.001+01:00

I'm not sure what to do about this blog. I've had it for a few years now and some of you have been with me on this journey (of bitterness, angst, despair and scorn) right from the start. However over time, other people I know have started to read this including a couple of close friends and BBF, and I'm not sure I want them to any more.

The whole thing just spread over time and, although It's not like I want to bitch about these people, I'm finding that I don't feel I can say exactly what I want for fear of worrying or being judged by either friends, my boyfriend or other people I know through freelancing.

When I have a big rant or am feeling really shit about something and want to pour my heart out, I want to be able to say what I like without my friends thinking there's something wrong and that I'm turning into a basket case, when really I'm just having a bad day, and I want to be able to talk about work concerns without worrying that people I know through freelancing will judge me.

Basically, I only want strangers to be able to read about what I really think. I know I could make it so that nobody can read the blog except me, but I like the support and advice that you all give me and that anyone can stumble upon my blog and follow it if they like - I just don't want people I know to be able to read everything that goes on in my head any more.

So what to do? I could either make the blog private so you need to be invited - then invite my virtual Blogger friends to read it; but his would mean that no new readers would ever come across it. Or I could move the blog over to a new platform and call it something else, but all the years of posts on here would be lost.

I know I can import old posts into Wordpress but I tried that once with my business blog and it looked like a car crash. Also, most of you are on Blogger anyway so it's easier for you to read my updates in your summary thing. Maybe I should start another new Blogger blog and then invite you to view it...?

*long sigh*... any suggestions?

Not Dead - Working!

2011-07-15T20:30:00.000+01:00

Same story as usual - I have been busy, busy, busy. It's that time of year again where, in a month I traipse off to spend 11 days in a field in Wales; but I'm now at the bit where I get all the pre-op work done so the festival bars run smoothly and people actually have something to drink when they're there! Shame I don't get paid for all this work until the last week of August though...

Star Trek Girl is staying with us from next Monday as she's having another operation on her snappity-snap leg. She broke it last year and it's still not right so she's back from Muscat for a month to sort it out. Selfishly, I'm really looking forward to having her hopping around the place; I don't get to see her that often so having her to stay will be lovely and I see films and crochet afoot (we like to live close to the edge)

Work has been going well and I have another three clients but somehow it never seems to translate into money in my account! Not sure why this is but being crap with money and this being the way of the freelancer may have something to do with it. Getting there though, and luckily I have a shiny new website thanks to Web Developer BBF and I come back from the festival with shed loads of money!

I've decided that the money I get from the festival is going to pay for a trip to Rome in November for my 40th birthday. I'm not sure exactly how I became to be nearing 40 but I turned my back it sorta happened. Not that happy about it to be honest but that's another post I guess. I wanted to go to Rome or Venice and decided Rome would be better for a long weekend; I don't usually look forward to things but I can't wait to see the Colosseum and the Pantheon!

We're going to France in a couple of weeks too; then I have a week before I chip off to the festival. One of BBF's friends is hiring a cottage for his family and friends in Lignerolles which appears to be in the middle of nowhere as far as I can tell. I'm taking my laptop as they have wi-fi (I checked!) but I'm sure I'll be able to find some time to laze around with a book; hopefully when the others have taken the kids out.

I've been paying around with Google Plus this last week as well; I won't go into it now as it's a big subject to cover, but it's kind of like Facebook for grown-ups where you decide which groups of people see the information you share. I use a lot of free Google products and they've made my life so much easier so I'm a big fan of theirs anyway - plus it doesn't help that I hate Facebook! Some people are moving everything over there already which is promising.

Anyway, that's about it. Basically I've been busy doing stuff and have slacked off my blog.

Sorry.

I'm sure it will happen again. x

Look What I Made!

2011-07-05T22:11:00.000+01:00

I am proud to announce that you can now count amongst your virtual friends someone who has crocheted a shawl. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a woman you have never met but about whose private life you know all about, has crafted with her own fair hands a woollen item to be worn by another person.

It may be hard to see in this picture but it is in fact a raspberry red shawl that I made for BBF's Mum for her birthday; well I say made for her, it started off being for me but her birthday loomed and I decided to give it to her instead. Obviously I didn't tell her that.

I started out making it as I'd seen a friend wrapped up in a black one after the sun went down in Jordan and she looked great, but I thought it'd be nice to do a bright one before I made the black one. It's absolutely gorgeous, really soft and I'm very glad I gave it to his Mum because she absolutely loved it. I just have to make another one for myself now!

Yesterday We Had A Street Party

2011-07-03T10:59:00.005+01:00

Yesterday our little road had a Summer street party! Usually reserved for Royal Jubilees, most people my age only remember them from when we were young as sadly they don't take place that often any more. But yesterday people came out and put up bunting and flags, a stage and sound system and everyone came out in force to spend the day together. It was really sunny and it was great to see neighbours barbecuing in the street and sharing their food with passers by.

Dillinger was the life and soul of course; even though he's still really small he's fearless and darted around the place making friends and being stroked silly. We were really proud of him actually as it was really loud and there was a lot going on.

It kicked off around 2 in the afternoon and finished way after 11pm. There were bands all day and some of the local residents even had a go - and surprisingly there wasn't a duff singer amongst them! There was a cracker-eating competition, Giant Jenga, a freecycle stall, a kids egg and spoon race, an embarrassing dancing dad contest, a fuse-ball machine, football, and even a free cake and drink tent!

I'd been sitting out on the steps with the supplements and crosswords so watched it all unfold from the beginning; people put tables and chairs outside their houses for people to use - ours was taken over as a salad table by some people barbecuing which worked well when they let us help ourselves to the sausages and chicken!

I thought it was really lovely that this all came together to create such a fabulous day for us; we were all really impressed with the way it was organised and our fears that it may be a bit naff were happily unfounded. Roll on next year!

One Hell of a Sad Song

2011-06-22T14:31:00.002+01:00

Water is Thicker Than Blood

2011-06-21T19:45:00.001+01:00

Last Sunday as I was sitting crocheting in the warm morning sunshine of BBF's cousins quiet leafy garden, I started thinking about someone who rarely enters my mind... I started thinking about my real Dad.

Sunday was Fathers Day and I had just gotten off the phone to my stepdad; he's been with my Mum since I was 4 years old and, although we haven't always had the best relationship, since my mid-20's we've gotten on like a house on fire. As I sat there I wondered if my 'real' Dad (Dennis) was thinking about the fact that he didn't get a card or a phone call from me that day.

The reason I don't think about Dennis very often is that he was, and I assume still is, one of the vilest men you would ever have the misfortune to meet. A small violent, self-obsessed alcoholic who broke my bones when I was a baby, drink-drove, went to prison for GBH and was proud to tell me when we met that he left the country so he didn't have to pay child support. Imagine everything you hate about men all bound up into one tiny loser and there you have my father folks.

I first met him when I was aged 19 at his Catholic mother's funeral; I'd never been to a funeral before and I didn't know that the family arrive with the coffin so every man who got out of a car I kept thinking 'is this him?', 'is that him?' but when he finally stepped out of the car and walked towards me I knew immediately that it was him. Apart from his wanky dice earring we looked just like each other. I then had to sit next to him through the service.

We weren't in contact again until after I'd moved to Brighton when we wrote to each other for a bit; he seemed kind of ok in writing but I had lots of things I wanted to run past him - such as did he really say he would take me in the car and crash it when my Mum was lying ill in hospital? He came down to Brighton for the day and, after dragging me from pub to pub all day I pretended I felt unwell so he would leave.

I didn't hear from him for a while and I said to my flatmate that if my birthday came and went without a card or a call then that was the last I wanted to do with him - this was to be the one and only test I set him... he did not pass that test. A few weeks later he called me and tried to fob me off but I wasn't having any of it; he might have been able to talk round his 'girlfriends' but I'm made from stronger stuff.

After explaining the situation to him and informing him that 'I already had a Dad' he started swearing at me so I told him to fuck off and put the phone down. I rang my Mum to tell her what had happened and she said "lock the door, you don't know where he phoned from". But I wasn't scared of this man; we shared the same genes and I would kill him or die trying if he ever tried to lay a hand on me. But in fact I never heard from him again.

Recently I asked my Mum if I was like Dennis as I didn't seem to be like her. She said that I was but in a different way - his selfishness was my self-preservation, his aggressiveness was my confidence and his arrogance was my high self-esteem. That was good enough for me and I was happy to take that from him because he had never given me anything else.

So the reason I didn't think about Dennis for very long on Father's Day was because I didn't care what he thought about not having a card that day; I don't care where he lives, what he's doing, or even if he's alive or not. As far as I am concerned there's the man who accidentally knocked my Mum up and then there's the man who raised me, kept me safe, made sure I had clothes on my back, a warm house to live in, and hot meals every day.

My real Dad helped me with my homework, took me pooh-sticking, taught me how to swim, built me a canoe, showed me how to subtract the old-fashioned way, taught me how to read a map and change a fuse and a million other things, and he's the one who earned the right to be called my Dad.

Star Trek Girl Post - Carbs & Cattens!

2011-06-20T20:05:00.006+01:00

Well I've been busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad as per usual but have made time this evening to write a quick Star Trek Girl Post. For those of you who are not familiar with this, this is where I write a quick open round-up of life in Blighty for my friend who lives overseas.

Star Trek Girl has a fascinating blog if you are interested where she writes about life where she is currently stationed. She spent over a year in Amman in Jordan and is now in Muscat for 2-4 years. Her blog is all about the culture, the food, the history and the people of the country she is in and it makes for some truly exotic reading. Although these posts are mainly for her, I am more than happy for everyone to read them!

So my friend, I cannot believe how hot it is over there - 51 degrees sounds pretty icky but you do now have a pool to balance it out! I imagine some major G&T drinking going on in there and I can't wait to come and visit you to see that amazing sea view for myself. You're not missing much over here; the weather has been abysmal, although I remember last June was scorchio (well tepid compared to Oman but it's all relative after all!) it has been rainy, dreary and a bit cold. Apparently 'the ground has needed it' though!

BBF and I went up to visit his cousin and their family in The Big Smoke for the weekend and (pathetically) one of the highlights for me was driving over Tower Bridge and then espying the Tower of London! I was beside myself as you can imagine as I've yet to visit it. Just knowing that the place is over 1000 years old is enough to make me nearly wet myself. His cousin is a personal trainer and is pretty Hench (the new word for Buff amongst the kids) and we had a great weekend with them.

After chatting to him about being overweight and unhealthy, I have embarked on a non-carb diet - well way of eating, and am trying to cut out sugar altogether too. I'm completely addicted to sugar and after once reading that 'Cancer loves sugar' I'd mentally decided to cut it out before but just never did. After pinching my back (mortified) he said that my body hated carbs and that I should cut down on them as much as possible if I can.

So I've given myself a month to cut out carbs and sugar as much as possible - sugar is hard as although I've stopped eating sweets and cake (may the Lord take me now) not having any in my tea or coffee is a step too far. I've got it down to one small spoonful though and I'm going to reassess the situation in one month. I feel really positive about doing it and I've stopped smoking again as well. Once I see some results I'm going to see how I go but will probably introduce limited carbs again - plus the odd slice of cake I'm sure!

The thought of going into my 40's 2 stone overweight makes me feel shit and I'm going to try and sort it out. Talking to him was a real eye-opener as apparently even semi-skimmed milk is bad for you as they blast it to fuck and the fat molecules get so small they enter into your bloodstream instead. I'm not going full-whack Atkins but just high protein, lots of veg (yes, me) and nuts, seeds and dairy... I'll keep you posted!

All is well with little Dillinger who is becoming a catten now. He is so vocal I could throttle him sometimes but he has made friends with the entire street and goes tarting up to people walking by with very little shame as far as I can see. He goes all cute and lets them pick him up for a cuddle - he's so soft that they can't resist the little blighter! He is so lovely though that I would forgive him anything.

Actually that's it from me now as I've just talked to you on Skype! Missing you like mad and can't wait to see you when you come back for a few weeks in July. BBF is out so I'm going to catch up with some guilty TV on iPlayer and have a sneaky peek at Grazia Magazine! x

Seek And Ye Shall Find

2011-06-04T15:44:00.001+01:00

Sometimes when I'm just pootling about on the Internet, I press the 'Next Blog' button at the top and take a little tour around Blog land; it's kind of like staring into people houses when they've left the curtains open in the evening - you know you shouldn't be nosy, and there's never that much to see, but the mundaneness still makes you want to have a look!

Most of the blogs are pretty dull; they're the diaries of families mostly so there's the usual photos of kids and lots of people you don't know grinning wildly into the camera at some event that involves food and trying to have lots of fun through group activities. Although I've seen loads of these blogs now I'm still quite surprised at some of the lines I read. These lines are always to do with Jesus.

They'll just be talking about something normal and then they'll drop in the line "I'm just so grateful for the gospel", or "on our way to church...", or they'll just randomly quote a line from the bible. Personally I immediately tiptoe quietly back out in case they see me, warily glancing behind each shoulder. I suppose it's because religion isn't really that dominant over here in people's daily lives whereas all these blogs are (always) American and it clearly plays a much bigger part in theirs.

The religious comments are so casually mentioned that you can tell it's part of their daily thoughts and routine, whereas nobody I know voluntarily talks about their religious beliefs at all - well unless they're wearing a dog collar or a Yarmulke! It's just not a big thing over here and, although there's lots of different religions being practiced, Christianity isn't really one of the big day-to-day players so you don't often hear people banging on about 'our lord Jesus Christ'.

I still enjoy bouncing from blog to blog though, and I suppose it's safer than peering through strangers windows from the street because at least they can't see you critiquing their lifestyle and decor choices. So if you've never gone blog browsing before then I suggest you try it; it certainly takes you to some interesting places!

Compromise - The C Word?

2011-05-28T15:14:00.002+01:00

Well I've finally worked out a way to actually access my blog today; God knows what Blogger have been up to this last week but it seems I'm not the only one who's been having problems. The only way I can access it now is to log in via Google search rather than logging in directly from Blogger.com - pretty rubbish but hopefully they'll get their act together soon.

BBF is away for the weekend helping out a friend at some barbecue competition; I'm not sure what it is about men, fire and raw meat but they gravitate to it like bees to honey! It's only the second time I've had the flat to myself since I moved in 6 months ago and I'm really enjoying it. I used to need so much more time to myself but that seems to have changed once I met BBF.

I've discovered that lots of things change when you start a serious relationship then move in together - although they're linked, they're also 2 separate issues and I've found adapting to both much harder than I thought. When you have 2 people who are used to doing exactly what they want when they want, compromises can be quite difficult... when you're single you don't have much compromising to do at all!

It's the small mundane normal things that I've found most difficult to adapt to; when I moved in loads of things changed for me from how and where I work, what I watch and when, how my home is decorated, what I eat and when, and how I spend some of my spare time. It's not that I mind changes, it's just that they're much harder to take on when they all come at once and they bring out parts of your personality that you're not overly proud of.

I turned a corner recently when I realised that I had to change my mindset; I wasn't single any more, so I would have to take someone else into consideration or else what was the point in having a relationship? I'd always bailed out when I had to compromise or things became a bit of a hassle, but now I'd met someone I wanted to stay with, I had to fully commit to this new life rather than compare it to how it was when I was single... this is always easier said than done however!

Overall, things with BBF and I are brilliant; he's amazing in so many ways and I know I'm really lucky to have found him. I can be quite contrary and I'm very picky (about countless things) so to have found him at nearly 40 when I had almost come to believe that I had too many expectations is really quite something. That's not to say that I always like having to watch The Apprentice on iPlayer or America's Next Top Model on YouTube when he's out, arguing over whether to have the radio on or off when we're working or living with reams of electrical cables!

None of this is unusual in any way; people move in with each other all the time - they work out how the other works, adapt around them, work out compromises and generally build their lives around each other. I just didn't realise how much work was involved; especially if your temperament isn't designed that way!

Maybe it's being a selfish Generation Xer or one of Thatchers Children, or maybe it's all the additives in the Nesquik and Ice Magic I consumed as a child, but working hard to achieve something or persevering through difficulties doesn't always seem to come easy to my generation. Saying that, I don't think we're not doing too badly at working out how to happily live together when one of us is the life and soul of the party and the one likes nothing better than staying in watching history programmes with the cat. And after the initial push-me-pull-you compromise wrangles, I think it's making me a better person with it.

Images Around Brighton

2011-05-22T15:19:00.002+01:00

Nil Pwa

2011-05-15T12:08:00.000+01:00

I had the most fabulous day yesterday. Firstly we met Star Trek Girl in one of Brighton's best tea rooms with some other friends - she is off to Oman for 2-4 years on Tuesday so it was kind of goodbye for some of them. We're taking her to the airport so will see her before she goes so it wasn't so bad for me.

Then we went to some free 'improv comedy thing' for the festival - this was a bit hit and miss and sometimes they imparted improv hilarity and other times it was a bit cringy. It was really nice to get out and do something though as the festival often comes and goes without me seeing any of it. I had been slightly hesitant about the company as well but it turned out fine.

Then (the highlight of the day for me) we went over to one of BBF's friends to watch The Eurovision Song Contest. I'm not a huge fan of Eurovision but it's so deliciously naff that it's really fun to watch in a mocking group. The entries are sometimes really surprising and the rest of Europe famously marked us at nil pwa for years as punishment for invading Iraq.

The best Eurovision gathering I ever went to was some years ago where you we score cards to mark down singers for certain infringements. So pointing at the audience whilst winking, leather trousers, maintaining eye contact with a revolving camera like you want to shag it, grasping downward hand movements was also frowned upon as was any kind of crotch highlighting. I remember that Iceland got something like minus 100 for said Euro-criminal activity.

We didn't win of course, but it was really disappointing is that one of the wankest entries did win. I personally thought that Azerbaijans entry was entirely forgettable, insipid and the female singer pranced around in what looked like an Eastern European prostitute's dress. They were dreadful. I actually wanted either Italy or Moldova to win - Moldova's entry was really fun, catchy without being naff and they were dressed like towering pointy-hated gnomes... which was novel!

So a really good day over all. BBF usually goes out and gets drunk without me as I'm not really into it and find drinking for 4-8 hours 2 or 3 times a week mind-numbingly dull; but I loved spending the whole day with him for a change - we spend our spare time in different ways so it doesn't happen that often!

So a good weekend so far - let's hope today is just as fun!

Great Balls of Fire!

2011-05-08T17:06:00.003+01:00

It's the Brighton Festival at the moment; this takes place each year and is a mixture of art, comedy, dance and other mad bits and pieces. Last night there was an incredible free fire display put on by the National group Carabosse which took place in my local park and there were fire sculptures, installations, flaming fire lines and music - it was mental!

We wandered through the park and each area had something to see; there were hanging lanterns made from vests, fire columns spewing out sparks, metal sofas with fire pouring out the backs, a massive rotating orb of flaming pots, ropes of flaming flower pots strung between the trees, a huge flaming washing-line type-affair which opened out wide and when it closed back up a jet of water came from the top and made the flames roar and shoot skywards, there were moving mechanical fire sculptures, fire fountains and all the paths were lined with lanterns - the park looked absolutely stunning.

I had never seen anything like it and I was also impressed that there was hardly and health and safety crews anywhere! You could just wander amongst fire living on your wits which is a great way to separate life's idiots I feel. There must have been some kind of system in place but it all seemed very natural. I couldn't believe how the park was transformed and I had a brilliant time - fire creates a glowing almost magical atmosphere and everyone seemed to be having a really nice evening with their families and friends.

I love living in Brighton but it's so easy not to take advantage of all the things that go on here. (and which make our house prices and rentals so high!) when you live here you don't even venture down to the beach that often as you become so used to it being there, so going to this display last night really reminded me of why I choose to live here. It was only a slight shame that it's really hard to take good photos of fire and you can tell which picture came from their website!

Treating The House Like a Hotel

2011-05-06T17:39:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow we will have had little Dillinger for 2 weeks. On one hand it seems like he's been here forever and on the other, the novelty still hasn't worn off. He busies himself with whatever he can get his tiny paws on and is both an angel and a demon with razor-sharp talons!

Until last night we had been so very lucky that when we went to sleep he crashed out in the living room and only woke when he heard one of us start moving around... the emphasis here being on the phrase 'until last night'... because last night he decided he was going to continue his daytime 2-hourly manic attacking-everything-that-moved sessions which included him throwing himself at my face and climbing me like a ladder.

I must have only gotten around 4 hours sleep, as when I threw him out he miaowed plaintively until I buckled like a French soldier and let him back in again. Dexter did this until he was 5 months old, only stopping once I sprayed water in his face when he continued to hurl himself against the bedroom door - I thought we were going to be lucky with Dillinger but clearly not.

He is a dear little thing who loves to sit on our shoulders and cuddle up on our laps. Well, it's a small matter of contention really as he likes to sit on my lap which bothers BBF a little as he wanted to be the favourite I think. I pointed out that I'm around far more than he is so there's nothing I can do about it!

He's quite chatty and confident and has made himself very much at home. I absolutely adore him and can't bear to think that anything might happen to him. I try not to think about it, but after what happened before it's hard not to. I know he's only a cat but I've waited so long for him that he's actually something special and more than just a bizarrely symmetrical stripey terror.

Royal Wedding Party!

2011-05-05T17:05:00.000+01:00

As you know, the other weekend I went up to my best friends house to attend her Royal Wedding Party. BFF didn't really fancy it being the dirty traitorous Republican that he is, so I caught the train up to Buckinghamshire; spent the afternoon with my folks, then headed on over to hers later that evening ready for our early morning viewing start!

My friend had really gone to town and decorated the place within an inch of its life; there was more bunting than you could shake a stick at and everyone bought some food and drink with them as well. I was pretty nearly drunk by half eight in the morning and I think I ate more cake than is humanly good for a person.

There were 14 of us altogether and we gathered round to get the first glimpse of Kate's (rather nipply) dress, which was why most of us were watching it really. We thought she looked great although I preferred her sisters dress myself. There were 4 kids attending but they behaved really well after threats of violence and ostracisation, and a great time was had by all.

The day was brilliant fun and it was lovely to all get together over such a happy shared experience. I hope you enjoy the photos; the cake ones have been manipulated over on picplz which I'm having great fun playing with today!

Blog Me Up Baby!

2011-05-04T22:00:00.002+01:00

I find myself the proud owner of another blog award thanks to the lovely Eve over at Little Things. She's quite a new follower so I'm pretty chuffed that she sees my blog as versatile! I'm supposed to link to her blog to say thank you (done) and reveal another 7 things about myself...

I always demand that my drinks are served with just one piece of ice; I used to run a pub so I know the secrets - lots of ice means less liquid and a watery drink! One piece is just right.
I'm terrified of spiders; it's an irrational fear but that's why they call it a phobia!
I'm a proud Trekker (we're not Trekkies thank you very much)
I would wear my jamas everywhere if I could.
I'm obsessed with checking the Edinburgh Zoo Penguin Webcam every day.
I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to sugar.
I changed my surname by deed poll about 8 years ago.

Now I need to recommend other blogs that I like:

Wolynski over at Vegas Images - Her photography is stunning and I love the insight into the beautiful yet often bizarre World of Vegas.
My friend La Tarzane (I write about her as Star Trek Girl) over at La Tarzane Leaves The Urban Jungle - her blog is about life and customs in the various countries she gets posted to. She's just come home from Jordan and will be resuming her blog shortly after she arrives in Oman next month!
Kerry who is Undersexed, Underpaid and Undervalued - Kerry's a saucy little dancing harlot who you think you'd love to meet in real-life! Kerry likes to show her knickers a lot...
The Freelancer's Fashion Blog - I've just started following this one; I don't even comment I just love looking at the clothes!
Charlene over at Writing.Mine.Join Me - I really enjoy her musings on life and never know what she's going to write about next. She does seem slightly obsessed with the weather at times!

Waddya know, nothing for 2 years and then 2 awards come along at once!

Stuck For Something to Watch?

2011-05-02T13:49:00.000+01:00

Since I met BBF I can probably mark our meagre 9 months together by the box sets we've watched. There has been some series that have been so good that they really should get a mention. You may have seen some of them but if you haven't then these are really worth a look. I watched up to 6 episodes in a row of all of these, so don't be daunted by the fact some of them are already in series 4 or later.

Deadwood - Although this had been recommended to me numerous times I wasn't too sure about it at first as the language and treatment of women is pretty coarse; it took a couple of episodes and then I was completely hooked. Set in the town of Deadwood in the wild west, this town and the people portrayed in the series actually existed although most of the storyline is fictitious.

The best character in it is Al Swearengen played by the brilliant Ian McShane; who you start off despising but eventually start to empathise with. Many of the characters are pretty vile but most of them seem to have some kind of redeeming feature. Unfortunately it got cancelled after the third series and I still think about what happened to them - it was almost like a bereavement! This is a great rough and ready gritty programme and you should try to see it if you can.

Mad Men - I'm sure most of you have seen this already; I'd gotten to the third series when I met BBF so I made him start from the beginning and I watched them all again! This is a stylish, well-acted, programme with a fantastic score and a gorgeous manly leading star. Watching his chiselled face alone is probably enough to get you happily to the end of series 4!

Dexter - Not to everyone's taste is seems, but I love Dexter so much I even named my cat after him. An unlikely hero for our times, Dexter is a serial-killing blood-splatter expert working for the Miami Metro Police Department who only kills people who have slipped through the net and who really do deserve to be culled. Dexter is also quite fanciable and the theme music is catchy as hell! It seems to be losing some steam not we've gotten to series 5 but I'd watch as many as they decide to make.

The Walking Dead - You know me, I love a bit of zombie-action and this is a humdinger of undead activity. It's tense, the effects are great, the story is compelling and it's well acted. If you don't like zombies then this is not for you, but if you're partial to a bit of the ravenous brain-dead then you'll love it.

The Sopranos - Already finished, if you've never seen this then you are missing out. Although the main character is head of a Mafia family, the programme is more about him and his 2 families, one of which just happens to be a Mafia family. I liked this so much that I watched the first series of 13 episodes in one sitting! I still think about the characters and could have watched it forever; it was brilliantly written, the acting was fantastic, it was funny without being a comedy and the plots were intricate and compelling. You really have to watch this one.

Last night we started watching the first series of Breaking Bad and have just been recommended Justified so are going to give that a shot as well. One we didn't get into was Boardwalk Empire; this was surprising as on paper it had everything: Martin Scorsese, a good cast and a big budget - but when each episode ended we didn't feel compelled to watch the next one. We saw 4 episodes and gave up on it - it was more style over substance sadly.

So have you guys seen any of these and what do you think of my recommendations? I've yet to watch The Wire which I hear is brilliant, but there's only so many hours in the day you know!

Long Live The Queen!

2011-05-01T11:26:00.000+01:00

Lately I've been reading and listening to lots of people who disagree with the UK having a Monarchy; they've been quite free with their opinions and I have listened patiently but now I'm going to outline why I think it is essential we have one.

When I was younger I was a Republican; I thought the Monarchy cost too much and that nobody should be allowed to have that much money just by an accident of birth. I read a lot of history books and through them came to realise that the history of Britain and it's people is the history of the Monarchy.

Most of the laws and customs we have came from the King or Queen being the head of state and creating laws in the absence of Government; we didn't trust a bunch of blokes to run the country and we still don't! We have no loyalty, trust, affection or respect for our Government but most people have a great deal of regard and affection for the Queen.

Proportionally for my income The Queen only costs me 66p each year; whereas I pay 77p on defence, £1.14 towards running the Government, £1.81 on education, £2.37 on health, and £4.35 for 'social protection' (the formulation and administration of Government policy and legislation) I would personally much prefer to pay my 66p to the Queen than many of the other things my tax money goes on. I disagree with IVF on the NHS for example but I have to pay it anyway.

My main reason for supporting the Monarchy is that I firmly believe we'd be culturally lost without them; we would have absolutely no cultural identity as our nation has been shaped by their existence since the beginning of our history. The Queen is the head of State of 16 other countries and, as Head of the Commonwealth represents another 53 countries - she undertakes around 2000 official engagements at home and abroad every year and brings in over £180m through tourism not counting the money tourists spend on restaurants, entertainment, hotels, transport and retail. I'm sure this money comes in handy.

I think you'll agree that apart from the World cup every 4 years and Royal occasions there is not one other event that brings us together as a Nation. we don't even bother to celebrate St George's Day but every 4 years we gather together to watch one of the shittiest football teams on the face of the Earth lose spectacularly - we start off waving our flags all patriotically and we always end up ashamed. That is if you even like watching football; if you don't then you have nothing to unite you with your neighbours.

On Friday people from all over our country came together to celebrate something nice; we sat together, decorated our streets and focused on one singular event - and when those WW1 bombers flew over Buckingham Palace there was a lump in my throat because I felt patriotic. I was proud that people from all over the World had bothered to come to London to see this and were watching it in their millions around the globe. They had gathered together and stayed up late for it and I felt proud that it was my country they were focused on.

I think the main members of the Royal Family take their responsibilities very seriously; they work tirelessly with charities and institutions all over the World representing our country and we should thank them for it because I wouldn't want to do it day in day out always with people complaining until the day I die. So I'll happily pay my 66p to have some semblance of cultural and National identity - I'll even pay your share if you like.

Americans who don't agree should frankly just get on with busying themselves with World domination through intimidation and fear; we can see where your tax dollar goes. And if you live in the UK and don't agree in the Monarchy, then you just settle yourselves down quietly to wait another 3 years until the minority gather to celebrate British pride and unity through watching some blokes try to get a ball into a net. How proud we are of their efforts.

If we lose the establishment we would lose our entire identity; Christ, we British don't have much to start with, and if we lost the Monarchy we'd only have a shitty football team to bring us together... and I know which one I'd rather have.

Put it Away Love

2011-04-26T09:43:00.002+01:00

As mentioned, it was a Bank Holiday over the last few days and I live in Brighton where tourists flock. Both locals and visitors alike head to the beach and I have to say, some of them were not appropriately attired.

I'm not even talking about spare flesh on show; I'm talking about the fact that the warm weather seems to relieve (women mostly) the British of their fashion reason and they step out of their homes on to the streets in attire that should never be seen by man nor beast.

I witnessed some terrible shockers this weekend; too many to mention but they generally consisted of rather large women wearing either very tiny playsuits that rode up their sweaty crotches like nappies, or wispy little pussy pelmets that were so short when they bent over you can see what they had for breakfast - you most certainly got an eyeful of cellulite. Playsuits should not be worn by anyone over the age of 11, nor should they be accompanied by patchy orange fake tan.

Now I am all for people being able to wear exactly what they please, and I will defend their right to do so; I also firmly believe that I have the right to criticise and mock what they wear in the public arena. Perhaps it's because we seldom get a good run of great weather in England that we just don't have the resources in our wardrobes, but it certainly seems that most of these outfits have been cobbled together from rags found in the cupboard under the kitchen sink.

Warm weather also highlights some appalling footwear choices. I have always believed that it is a crime to design and make ugly shoes; the shoe has the potential to aspire to such heights of wonderfulness that to reward it with anything less than beauty is a terrible waste of creativity. There has been a plethora of ugly shoes in the last year with my personal bugbears being those nasty holey suede sandals with a zip up the back of the ankle. I actually find most flat shoes unaesthetically pleasing as it goes.

Even when you live by the beach it can be somewhat startling to see a very large man standing in the off-license in tiny black speedos with his rotund sweaty hairy belly spilling over into the ice cream fridge tainting the Cornettos and Strawberry Mivvis. You've just popped in to pick up some milk and people are queueing with their arses hanging out.

I did also see some incredibly stylish women out and about; one woman had on simple cream linen trousers, a well-cut soft grey marl vest top, and flip-flops and she looked cool, unflustered, and elegant. There were also some fabulous dresses worn with wedges and long, sweeping maxi-dresses without floppy cleavages hanging out. Evidence that it can be done!

So this is an open letter to the great British public; maybe start your tan off in the garden or another enclosed space, buy some flattering clothes and look in the mirror before you step out in public. Perhaps even consider getting a second opinion - just because it's warm, doesn't mean we all want to see your thrupenny bit love.

Taaaa Daaaa!

2011-04-25T10:53:00.000+01:00

You cannot fail to have noticed that I have been going on about getting another cat for about a year and a half now. Since little Dexter was killed in October 2009 I had a sad pet-shaped hole in my life, and then 2 days ago I took delivery of tiny little Dillinger.

The journey down had indeed been a bit of a nightmare; the traffic was OK but the little fella had managed to poo in his basket and then tread in it. My friend had cleaned him up as much as she could, but his first experience of our house was wet wipes! He then managed to poo all over his foot and tail on 2 separate occasions before the day was over.

He settled in very quickly seeing as he had never left his Mum and always had his sisters to play with, he familiarised himself with his new home quicker than you could say Royal Canin. I kept him in the living room until he had settled in then opened up the rest of the flat one room at a time, but he wasn't too fussed about exploring without us - it seems he's very sociable.

What was also lovely was that yesterday BBF said he "liked him more than he thought he would"; he knew he'd like him but he'd never been particularly attached to the cats he'd had as a kid. He'll have Dillinger all to himself when I go up for the Royal Wedding Party in 3 days time so they may be thick as thieves when I get back.

So as you can imagine I'm pleased as punch with little Dillinger; he's bouncy, affable, sociable and a real joy to have around. Dexter was very charming but, although Fraidy liked me, she was a moody tortoiseshell and didn't really like anyone else; in fact she'd take your face off if you looked at her wrong, so I love that Dillinger is an amiable little chap.

And thank you all for bearing with me on this one; I know it must have been really boring hearing a grown woman mourn the loss of her cats - even though it's my blog and I'll write what I want! It was a repetitive subject and you were all very supportive so thank you. I may write a post or two about him but I will try not to mention him too often. But for now I have a new kitty.... yaaaaaaay!

All Good

2011-04-22T22:21:00.000+01:00

One more sleep until we get our new kitty! Well, let's be truthful about this - it's one more sleep until I get my new kitty; because we all know this kitten is for me!

My best friend drives the little fella down tomorrow which could be a hassle or it could be fine; it's only about 2 hours drive away but it's a hot Bank Holiday weekend and I live in one of the towns that people flock to on such occasions. The holiday started today so she might be ok with the traffic. I shall present him to you of course, and then I'll try to shut up about him I promise.

Brighton is great on Bank Holidays, a lot of the population are freelancers and it looked like everyone clocked off after lunch on Thursday; the pubs were packed and I think it might have gotten a bit messy. Because I'm going back up to my friends for the Royal Wedding, I'm only working a 2-day week next week - nice. All these Bank Holidays and the weather seems to be putting everyone in quite good spirits actually!

The Royal Wedding party my friend is holding is going to be really good fun I think; we're having tea and cake, little sandwiches and there's been talk of bunting and tiara's too! It's all brilliantly naff and I'm getting fully into the swing of it - bollocks to cynicism, it's going to be an occasion!

My business has definitely perked up a bit since I last mentioned it; I'm not making a huge amount of money, but I'm out of danger at least and things are going in the right direction. I had basically lost interest for a short while and felt a bit unmotivated; especially as I had discovered I loved making things and wanted to spend my time doing that instead. I sorted myself out and am back on track and going great guns again now - things are definitely looking good.

The craft stuff is also going well; I approached 2 local shops and both said they want to stock the badges I make. One shop is a rather lovely Boutique who have asked for exclusivity in Hove and Shoreham, and the other is a kind of 'trendy' central Brighton shop where a lot of locals and tourists go. I haven't been back to the second one yet but my badges are already selling in the first - the shop assistant had even bought 2!

So all good all round I guess - have a good Easter folks!

There's No Seder Like Our Seder...

2011-04-22T11:14:00.001+01:00

I went to a women's Seder a couple of days ago and thought I'd tell you how I found it. I'm not Jewish but BBF's mother is (he's an armchair Jew) and she organises this event each year.

Although this is not my heritage, I wanted to come along to see what happened - plus I heard there was quite a lot of cake and other baked goods made without flour! A Seder is a ritual feast to commence the starting of Passover and the telling of the story of the Israelites liberation from slavery in Egypt, but It's very rare to have a Women's Seder (pronounced Sayder) as the story is always told by men about the boys and men.

The evening was 5 hours long but it didn't feel like it; we ate symbolic food, drank wine and slouched to show that we were free! There were about 40 women of all ages (not all were Jewish) and we took turn to read paragraphs around the group explaining what the Seder was about and the retelling of the story.

It all took place in this gorgeous round building on the University of Sussex Campus, with cherry trees in blossom outside and the evening sun shining through onto us - it was a really lovely experience. I'm an Atheist but I actually felt quite envious of these people who had a shared story of their past and came together to remember what happened and celebrate their freedom. It wasn't overly religious and was more about community and remembrance.

We (they) sang some songs throughout the evening - the ones at the end were rehashed from songs like Leaving on a Jet Plane and There's no Business Like Show Business which was pretty fun. But there was a song at the start about the 4 questions which sounded so sad that I had to pull myself together to stop crying; but the Goodbye song at the end finished me off. Those Jews have some VERY sad-sounding songs and I actually burst into tears at the Shalom song.

I cry at Auld Lang Syne anyway but I think it was the key rather than the words as they were in Hebrew! I was pretty embarrassed but nobody seemed to mind. I made some coconut pyramids which went down a storm and I had a really good evening. BBF's Mum seemed really pleased that I came along and I'd definitely go again - and next year I won't be caught out by the sad songs hopefully!

Bluebells?

2011-04-13T17:07:00.000+01:00

For my birthday last November, my best and oldest (over time not in age) friend bought me a fabulous little Pentax Optio E90 10 megapixel camera. I took it to Jordan and, apart from accidentally leaving the date stamp on, I was very happy with the results.

Lately I've been practising taking some craft photos with the macro setting and it works really well; I've been making lots of badges and they do a very nice close-up. Today I thought I'd have a go at taking some macro photos of the flowers outside our window as this is what it was designed for I believe. The results are not too bad I think..

I thought these were bluebells at first, but looking at other gardens along our road, these don't hang down as much and the edges aren't raggedy. I Googled blue flowers and I think they could possibly be Spanish Bluebells but I'm not too sure. I'm not a huge gardening person as it goes - I have enough to do as it is!

I Do, He Doesn't

2011-04-12T10:27:00.002+01:00

I know I said a while back that I wasn't that interested in The Royal Wedding but that didn't mean that I won't be watching it. I meant that I didn't want to constantly hear about all the pre-event speculation - In fact, I have just informed BBF that the TV will be on in our house from the minute I get up until quite some time after the ceremony.

He was not overly impressed but I am standing firm on this one. How can you not be arsed to watch the heir to the throne get married along with everyone else in Britain? I love history and this will be a historical moment being played out in front of us - why would I want to miss that?

Whilst I appreciate it may not be everyone's cup of tea, I want to see it all unfold, I want to witness the pomp and ceremony, see old English traditions and attire, and obviously I want to get a good gawp at Kate's dress. Pretty much everyone in the entire country will be excitedly watching this event and I am definitely going to be one of them... BBF says he's going out.

While The Cat's Away The Mice Eat Jaffa Cakes

2011-04-10T15:39:00.003+01:00

BBF has been away for the weekend and this is why I have found the time to write 3 blog posts (I know one is just a photo of the kitty but indulge me) It's not that BBF stops me from writing but I find much more time to do things when he isn't around!

He left to set off to camp in Wales for a friends stag do on Friday and returns later today - I've found that my life has changed so much since I met and moved in with him that sometimes I wonder where I've gone. I used to find spending all my time in someone else's company almost impossible; even when my best friend came to visit, I used to need a couple of hours to myself during her stay or I started to feel really irritable and knocky - but I don't seem get that way at all when I'm with BBF.

Isn't that strange that he is the ONLY person I have ever met who's company I can stand almost continuously? And it's not even that he's really dull and demands little attention. Without elaborating, BBF is not a wallflower, but I can happily be around him constantly. Saying that, I had been so looking forward to him going away this weekend as it would be the first time I've had the place to myself since I moved in at the end of November last year!

And I am pleased to report that I have been incredibly productive; I've done loads of little bits and pieces that I've had on my to-do list for ages; I've ironed a massive stack of fabric to sew with, created some more stamp badges as 2 local places are interested in selling them, caught up with friends and family on the phone, I took his daughter clothes shopping (taking a 15 year old shopping makes you feel old and fat by the way) caught up with loads of nerdish history programmes, read the Sunday papers, got up very early Saturday and very late today, and generally had a brilliant time pottering around solo.

The only very small downside to being on my own this weekend was that my eating standards dropped dramatically. BBF does all the cooking so I have pretty much only eaten homemade flapjack, a bagel, some Jaffa cakes and cereal since his departure; but hey-ho he's back later today so I don't have to worry about malnutrition or rickets. Working and living together with a boyfriend for the first time is an interesting and curious journey but that's the subject for another post. I'm really looking forward to seeing him later, but part of me also hopes he doesn't come back until quite late!

2 More Weeks!

2011-04-10T15:08:00.000+01:00

Yup, the kitty (still potentially Dillinger) will be with us in 2 weeks. He will dragged kicking and screaming away from his mop bucket, his siblings, his Mum and the only life he has ever known, experience 2 hours of bewildered terror on his first car journey then be held hostage with 2 strangers in our unfamiliar alien home. Thank God he doesn't know!

The Social Pariah - me or him?

2011-04-10T15:00:00.002+01:00

BBF downloaded The Social Network last week; I'd not bothered to go and see it at the cinema (despite having an unlimited monthly cinema card) because I hate Facebook and all that it stands for; but he'd not seen it so I thought I might as well give it a go.

What an utter pile of donkey shit. It turned out to be completely as I'd expected although not as good as I'd hoped for. I'd seen it had been nominated for 8 Academy Awards so I'd considered the possibility that maybe the cinematography, the script or the acting might be something special... they were not. I didn't see one single thing that I would consider outstanding and worthy of an Oscar. The 3 awards it did win were for adapted screenplay, editing and score; but I was so put off by the content of the film I barely noticed anything except how dull it was.

I'd read an article in the Sunday Times once about how Facebook was created so he and his male peers could sleaze over and rate fellow female students (nice) and how he stole the idea from someone else and created a place where people could wallow in their own self-centredness and LOL each other while they ROFL and sent idiot bracket faces to each other whilst posting grammatically incorrect banal messages at their friends rather than to them.

I actually have an intense personal hatred of those wankish bracket faces; I have a good grasp on the English language and the nuances of speech so it is unnecessary to use a winking face made from keyboard symbols to ensure that I have not misunderstood your intentions - if you fear being misunderstood then you should write your text, email, tweet, or sentence again more clearly. Every time I see one of those faces I cringe inside and part of me involuntarily starts to hates that person a little and my opinion of them drops a notch.

So it was understandably underwhelming to see this repeated on-screen. The facts are that the person that founded Facebook was a bit of a tosser and probably still is. I think only one person in the entire film was likeable and had a shred of integrity and decency; everyone else was horrible and I didn't enjoy any aspect of the film in any way.

In fact, just to ensure that's I'm not misunderstood, I'm going to outline some of the reasons why I hate Facebook in case there is any doubt over my opinion of it.

If I really do feel the need to plant pretend crops then I can use my Nintendo DS.
They have no customer service and do not care for the people that use their site.
I can play poker or scrabble with a real friend and talk to them at the same time.
If I've lost contact with a person then it's usually for a reason. Plus I could find them many other ways.
You can't delete your account - you can deactivate your account, but if you don't manually delete all your data, then it stays on their server and they keep using your details.
If I want to contact friends, I can email, text, Skype, or phone them.
Buying pints of beer or flowers that do not exist in reality is not something adults should do.
Virtually poking your friends is a sign you have too much time on your hands.
Their privacy policy is unethical; they own all your information, they make unwanted suggestions, and they are untrustworthy.
If you've joined a group that says you 'like the cold side of the pillow' then you don't deserve to have any friends at all.
They data mine with your details.
People use it to troll and bully other users.
It reduces half the population to the emotional level of 12 year olds.
Every time I used it I felt embarrassed for myself.

So I don't use Facebook in case you're wondering! I'm one of only a few people I know who don't use it (I'd delete my account - if they'd let me) and I feel like a better person for it. I don't care that everyone is on there; I know how to get hold of my friends and I have much more time to run one business by day whilst trying to set up another one by night.

PS - I don't recommend the film either by the way.

And Another One...

2011-04-05T09:39:00.000+01:00

Do forgive me but my cousin sent through another photo yesterday just after I posted that other one and I can't help but share it with you. I'm VERY excited about getting him in case you hadn't noticed! apparently he's confident, playful and eats like a gannet.

I promise to write a proper blog post soon; I have SO many things I want to say but just not enough time to get everything done.

Three Weeks To Go!

2011-04-04T12:43:00.000+01:00

Forgive his little squinty right eye; the little fella had just recovered from a gacky eye bless him!

The name Dillinger is now in the running...

Count Me In

2011-03-27T11:26:00.001+01:00

Not only did the clocks Spring forward today, it's also the date for the 2011 UK census return. There's some contention about completing it as usual; some people believe its an invasion of their privacy (they're presumably happy to be here and use resources but don't want it recorded) and then you have the middle-class, middle-aged numpties who think they're being daringly non-conformist by stating their religion on this historical document as Jedi.

Because I've traced my family tree back to the late 18th century, the census have been invaluable to my success; I would never have gotten as far back as I have if my ancestors had not wanted to be counted as one of the English population. Well there is one I can't find (he's possibly at sea) but he has been the bane of my life for years! You can't have a society and not know who is here, what they're doing and how they're living - that would be incredibly bad business management so I see no difference as to why it's important for our Government to know either.

Most of the books I read are on history; I love reading about the past and how people lived. I know that my family included assayers, school mistresses, dressmakers, riverboat drivers, agricultural labourers, lacemakers, miners and many other professions. I know that they called little Ellen Nellie, I know that some of my family lodged with some of the others, I know one was in service counties away from where she was born, and I know some were Wesleyan. They were normal people doing normal things in a normal way, but I know quite a lot about them because they bothered to complete the census.

I know future generations may trace their trees back and find it amusing that their ancestors stated their religion as Jedi - how cool and avant-guarde; what an incredible snapshot of the 21st century mind... but personally I'd think my ancestor was a bit of a idiot.

Last of The Hollywood Greats

2011-03-23T17:50:00.000Z

I've just found out Elizabeth Taylor has died and I must admit to being utterly gutted. I didn't know her personally obviously but as a lover of old Hollywood she came very high on my radar.

Not only was she beyond a doubt one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, she was also feisty, opinionated, determined and dedicated to making a difference. I've read a few biographies on her and really admired her; in fact, I thought she was an incredible person.

I'd thought recently that she would probably go soon but I also kind of expected the old dame to last forever. Now that she's gone, I can't think of any old school Hollywood icons except Lauren Bacall - they're mostly either homogenised bland yo-yo's or technically good actresses but not great Hollywood stars like Joan Crawford, Elizabeth Taylor, Greta Garbo, Bette Davis, Rita Heyworth, Judy Garland, or Marlene Dietrich.

I've very sad to see her go. Liz, you were a bloody star.

Images Around Brighton

2011-03-14T21:49:00.000Z

Purrrfect Kitty (sorry)

2011-03-10T17:37:00.000Z

Casually curled up with his 2 sisters; he already has the look of a kitty about town as he partakes in an after-dinner lounge.

6 or 7 more weeks and he's ours to bring home - I can't wait.

Any suggestions of names would be welcomed by myself. BBF is overseeing this area but may be open to suggestions.